# A warrior in the garden; A Veteran's quest to thrive



## OldeBull1 (Apr 28, 2021)

It is better to be a warrior in the garden than a gardener in the war. 
  This year marks five years since I have been out of service, and was the first time that I had heard this phrase. At this point of my life, that statement is definitive of who I am. I am a warrior in the garden. I have served my time and I have done my duty. I had signed away my soul and paid my pound of flesh. 17 years, 4 deployments, I have known war in my lifetime. Military was all I have known as a man. Now, five years removed, I am only now beginning to be comfortable with peace.
   Brothers and Sisters, and those of you who know this, know this, part of me will always be in the desert, and the desert will always be part of me. God damn that part that we take home with us. What can you do but drive on?
   Last year, I checked into the VA hospital after having chest pains for 10 days. Upon evaluation, it was found that I had an impaired ejection fraction rate, which is to say that my heart was backing up. Along with medical complications, lifestyle and stress contributed greatly to my condition. I was grossly overweight, a substance abuser, sedentary, a heavy smoker, high paced odd hour worker, and having home troubles. I took a serious look at myself, and saw something. If I do not get my life in order, my future looked like: divorce;heart attack; drug abuse; arrest; suicide. I took a personal inventory, and committed to making wholesale positive changes in my life.

   I'm finding peace. I'm tending my garden. I know where I have been and what I am capable of. I am not in that world anymore. As I take care of myself, and find out who I am now, I grow. I become not just a warrior, but a gardener. Through my very own land, I can cultivate life.
  I'm 6 months into it, and I'm proud of how I've come along. I have addressed things, and got things off of my shoulders that I had been carrying for 20 years. I get onboard with all of the things I should be doing, physically, medically, emotionally and spiritually. In this log, I'll get into a little of each, but the main focus will be the physical side.

Age: 43
5'7 218 lbs
7 weeks into 100 day keto challenge

Medical Conditions: Medically cleared to train; heart and blood pressure look good. History of multiple musculoskeletal issues, auto-immune, inflammation, IBD. 

Goals: Health, mobility and injury prevention; look fit and strong; strength and conditioning for MMA;
Training Modalities- MMA training 3-4x weekly; home gym workouts 2-3 x weekly; walking

TRT- 200mg Test Cyp, 30mg Deca/ week.


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## OldeBull1 (Apr 28, 2021)

4/27
Sled drags with the kids around the soccer field. Much tougher without snow, was only able to go 1/4 field at the time. 2 laps with both kids, 1 lad with the youngest. 2 sprints around the field.
KB offset walk 70/40 x1 lap. 
Monkeygrip pullups x5x4


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## Jin (Apr 28, 2021)

Love this

”. I know where I have been and what I am capable of. I am not in that world anymore. As I take care of myself, and find out who I am now, I grow.”

thanks for the log.


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## sfw509 (Apr 28, 2021)

Thank you for sharing your prospective and goals. Looking forward to following your progress.


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## JackDMegalomaniac (Apr 28, 2021)

OldeBull1 said:


> 4/27
> Sled drags with the kids around the soccer field. Much tougher without snow, was only able to go 1/4 field at the time. 2 laps with both kids, 1 lad with the youngest. 2 sprints around the field.
> KB offset walk 70/40 x1 lap.
> Monkeygrip pullups x5x4


 Sleds were one of my favorite things while playing football. Just pushing one with fast short steps down low. It just felt great. 

Have you ever tried pushing em'?


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## DEADlifter (Apr 28, 2021)

Alright, Old Bull. Let's Go! Get it brother


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## rawdeal (Apr 28, 2021)

Respect, OldeBull, may your garden continue to flourish.


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## Sicwun88 (Apr 28, 2021)

Thanks for sharing your experience!
Wishing you the best in your journey!


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## OldeBull1 (Apr 28, 2021)

I have a Prowler, with push handles. It doesn't get used much.

For now, I'm using a basic kids sled, using little humans as my weight. It sure went a lot easier with snow on the ground. This is the best of both worlds though, I get my workout, and play time, at the same time. I've been trying to make 'a show out of my home workouts, letting my daughters see, and trying to get them involved, such as counting reps, or a 3,2,1 go. I hope them seeing me train is building core memories and setting good habits.


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## tinymk (Apr 28, 2021)

Look forward to your log brother.


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## CohibaRobusto (Apr 28, 2021)

Welcome to the UG! I'm dealing with impaired ejection fraction too right now. Mine was due to an atrial flutter. Good luck to you. I'll follow your progress.


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## OldeBull1 (Apr 29, 2021)

Comrades, those military Veterans, and first responders (police, fire, EMS), if you struggle with PTSD, I urge you to check out the BoulderCrest Foundation PATHH program (Progressive Alternative Healing for Heroes). This is a privately funded, non-profit organization. Their founding theme is to inspire "Post Traumatic Growth". Whereas the typical treatment model, such as done by the VA is- 'Okay, you're ****ed up, here's some meds, let's manage you as best you can', PATHH has a different approach. They look at the things we did as a struggle, and a catalyst for deep personal growth. I can't say enough good things about this program or the people who work for it. It has been life changing for me.
   The program, if accepted, is completely paid for. I flew from Detroit to Virginia, stayed out there 7 days, and flew back. The only thing I paid for was to check my bags. Food and accommodations were top notch- two guys to a cabin, beautiful, ultra modern cabin. The days were long, 14 hour days, which included group talk, activities, light PT, bonfires, and individual sessions. This was peer ran- all guides are Veterans, trained by mental health professionals, but they are not. We didn't see one doctor, therapist or shrink for the week, only other guys and girls who had been through what we went through, including the program.
    I have nothing to gain here by sharing this, except karma points. Please hit me up if you have any questions. Please check out the website- bouldercrest.org. Again, I can't say enough about this program, and how it has given me a new lease on life. op

I had Acupuncture at the VA today. I get two types, trigger point for my back, and Battlefield Acupuncture, on the ear, which is for general pain. This is a hidden gem of the VA, which usually disappoints. I get minor relief from it. It is a free service, if I were paying $100 a session, it would not be worth it.

Muay Thai tonight. I'm two months in, so every session sucks. My movement is terrible, I have no conditioning, and no skill. Every session, I suck a little less than the last. I like the gym, and the people there. Currently, it is my primary form of conditioning.


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## OldeBull1 (Apr 29, 2021)

LIght garage workout

Pushups and Pullups- sets of 20 and 6
Axle Deadlift Double overhand- 135x10x10
Axle curl 2 sets of 25
Kid presses (the little one) until failure
Situps and oblique crunches


I really wouldn't even call this a workout, just getting some work in.


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## Oldbastard (Apr 30, 2021)

OldeBull1 said:


> It is better to be a warrior in the garden than a gardener in the war.
> This year marks five years since I have been out of service, and was the first time that I had heard this phrase. At this point of my life, that statement is definitive of who I am. I am a warrior in the garden. I have served my time and I have done my duty. I had signed away my soul and paid my pound of flesh. 17 years, 4 deployments, I have known war in my lifetime. Military was all I have known as a man. Now, five years removed, I am only now beginning to be comfortable with peace.
> Brothers and Sisters, and those of you who know this, know this, part of me will always be in the desert, and the desert will always be part of me. God damn that part that we take home with us. What can you do but drive on?
> Last year, I checked into the VA hospital after having chest pains for 10 days. Upon evaluation, it was found that I had an impaired ejection fraction rate, which is to say that my heart was backing up. Along with medical complications, lifestyle and stress contributed greatly to my condition. I was grossly overweight, a substance abuser, sedentary, a heavy smoker, high paced odd hour worker, and having home troubles. I took a serious look at myself, and saw something. If I do not get my life in order, my future looked like: divorce;heart attack; drug abuse; arrest; suicide. I took a personal inventory, and committed to making wholesale positive changes in my life.
> ...




I hear you , I too served my country in desert storm , I learned from years of living in Japan, China , Indonesia and Philippines where I also trained in various cultural fighting systems ( forgive me I loathe saying martial art ) anyway , in feudal Japan the bushi or later called samurai made a practice that in order to balance the spirit as we soldiers devote our daily practice too literally killing, must find an aesthetic pursuit, such as music, poetry , painting or myself I am a master garden designer. While only a part time job past 30 years it’s a passion I continue to pursue during my alone time. Forgive me but reading your post it brought me back to this . I think bodybuilding can keep one on the path to staying fit , consider finding a dojo that is more akin too living in this society as you may also have much to offer the members there too. You lived it , many things we have seen are heinous but I teach so I try to shed light on areas that help others survive from our experience. I mean I did become a liscensed social worker , recently retired with early pension but went back too school I now help sick horses . However the Equine Clinic I work I’m also the Gardner on my days off we have the most glorious display of perennial flowers, roses to be seen. You will find your way , carry on and never give in.
please consider me a friend


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## OldeBull1 (May 1, 2021)

Muay Thai- light sparring. I got owned by a 13 year old boy, 100lbs lighter than me. I'd like to think that if this were actual combat, I would overwhelm him with power and aggressiveness. But I don't know man, the kid toyed with me, and the only hits I got in were the ones he let go in order to counter. If I tapped him, I would be met with a glove in the face, every time. It was humbling, and motivating. I'm going to seek pairing with him more often, and my training goal is to hang in there during sparring sessions with a 13 year old 120lb kid. 

Self care scheduled this weekend. Assisted Stretching tomorrow, massage on Sunday.


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## BrotherIron (May 1, 2021)

Keep it up.  Definitely following this log.


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## Gadawg (May 1, 2021)

Way to turn it around!  Following along


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## OldeBull1 (May 3, 2021)

My company gym opened back up today, so I got in this morning pre-shift. Felt good. My workout isn't log worthy,  but I got in and got moving,  that counts for something.  This is part of the daily routine now.

I did well in a structured military environment.  Afterwards,  on my own, I struggle some. While speaking about this to a mentor, his simple tough love answer was "well get some structure in your life dumbass." This is a step.


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## Jin (May 3, 2021)

OldeBull1 said:


> My company gym opened back up today, so I got in this morning pre-shift. Felt good. My workout isn't log worthy,  but I got in and got moving,  that counts for something.  This is part of the daily routine now.
> 
> I did well in a structured military environment.  Afterwards,  on my own, I struggle some. While speaking about this to a mentor, his simple tough love answer was "well get some structure in your life dumbass." This is a step.



Life falls apart for me, structure aside. Go for it. Conquering yourself is the ultimate challenge.


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## OldeBull1 (May 5, 2021)

Got to the gym early again. LIght lifting, mostly about getting moving. As I shake off the rust, I'll be able to get more work in over the same time frame. Weight will come in time. 
1a) Trap bar deadlifts 3x8
1b Walking lunges
2a Back Extensions
2b Landmine Rotations
3a)Kettlebell Swings 60x10x10x10
3b)Leg Raises
4a)machine chest press 3x10
4b)machine row 3x10

I weighed in at 215 post workout, the lowest I've been in 10 years. After lunch, 218.


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## OldeBull1 (May 5, 2021)

Circuit
  Rower 400m, 10 push-ups, 10 swings, 10 situps, 10 lunges, 5 pullups. X4.
Another row 2000m


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## OldeBull1 (May 10, 2021)

Looks like I missed logging a few days. I'll get on though.

5/10 am
Squat, Incline Press, Pullups. Nice circuit, one after the other, catching breath as needed.
I've stated it before, at this point, my weight sets and reps are low, below par. I don't feel the need to log those, as it would only make me feel bad. I'm getting in, getting moving, shaking off the rust. That is a win for now. In another month, I'll worry about workload.


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## OldeBull1 (May 12, 2021)

5/12
Trap Bar Deadlift
Overhead Press
Pullups
Step up/lunge combo (brutal!)

Circuit,  moving quickly but not a race.

At this point, I am trying to do full body workouts, pushing frequency.  My goal is to build work capacity,  versus raw strength.


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## sfw509 (May 13, 2021)

Awesome work. Keep pushing.


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## OldeBull1 (May 13, 2021)

5/12 muay thai

5/13
Circuit:
1) Front squats off pins, walking lunges, bench press, db rows. 4 sets of 10 each
2) Bulgarian squats, hypertension,  landmine twist. 3x10


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## PZT (May 14, 2021)

Circuit two looks like a core killing sommabish lol


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## OldeBull1 (May 15, 2021)

I battled some demons this morning.
   I don't know what set me off, but I got caught up in a line of thinking on my way to work. I see dead people. When I was 24, I thought it was cool; **** them, I did what I had to do, better them than me. I took some pride in it. 
   I carry it with me every day, some days better than others. Today, it came on suddenly and unexpected. On my way to work. How am I supposed to exist as a normal person, in this world, when I am haunted. How can I smile and say good morning? When does this end? I am doing everything the right way, making progress, facing and treating it. But still, every god damned day. If it doesn't kill me it only makes me stronger, right?
    I think about releasing it all. If it were a multiple choice test, I would know it was the wrong answer. Still, it's an answer, and if I'm not careful, it could be marked. I don't want that. FIDO, **** it, drive on, that's what I do. Take some breaths. I got this. I go to work, and I was rough for a half hour. I didn't know how I could face the day and wanted to go home (and medicate) Didn't talk to anybody, had tears and anxiety welled up just below the surface. Got to work though, and soon a sense of duty took over.
  Got through the day alright. Got a lot accomplished. It's Friday. It's a gorgeous day. Got home. The Mrs. left for a girls night sleepover, I have my daughter to myself. We played outside for a while and I took them for icecream. They went to bed with no fuss. I'm going to bed early tonight, and look forward working in the garden this weekend. We might even get a chicken coup!

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.


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## DEADlifter (May 17, 2021)

I hope your weekend got better brother.  



OldeBull1 said:


> I battled some demons this morning.
> I don't know what set me off, but I got caught up in a line of thinking on my way to work. I see dead people. When I was 24, I thought it was cool; **** them, I did what I had to do, better them than me. I took some pride in it.
> I carry it with me every day, some days better than others. Today, it came on suddenly and unexpected. On my way to work. How am I supposed to exist as a normal person, in this world, when I am haunted. How can I smile and say good morning? When does this end? I am doing everything the right way, making progress, facing and treating it. But still, every god damned day. If it doesn't kill me it only makes me stronger, right?
> I think about releasing it all. If it were a multiple choice test, I would know it was the wrong answer. Still, it's an answer, and if I'm not careful, it could be marked. I don't want that. FIDO, **** it, drive on, that's what I do. Take some breaths. I got this. I go to work, and I was rough for a half hour. I didn't know how I could face the day and wanted to go home (and medicate) Didn't talk to anybody, had tears and anxiety welled up just below the surface. Got to work though, and soon a sense of duty took over.
> ...


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## OldeBull1 (May 19, 2021)

Got off my ass this morning after a few days 'in remission' (being a depressed asshole). 
It's okay to stumble, but a winner gets back up.

1)a)front squats rock bottom off pins
b) bench
c) pullups

2) a)step up/lunge combo
b) rocky situps

3) a)machine bench
    b) pulldown.


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## OldeBull1 (May 20, 2021)

5/20
Happy Anniversary to me. 16 years with Mrs. Bull, more good than bad. I have tomorrow off, we are driving to Cleveland this weekend to celebrate.  Nothing in particular brings us to Cleveland,  other than it is close (3 hours) and we have never been. Rock and Roll hall of fame, I guess.

1)
 a. Deadlift
 b. Incline bench
 c. Dumbbell row

2) a)kb farmers walks with towel holds
     b)lunges
     c)landmine twists

3) some curls and band pressdowns.

So far so good. I am making progress on quick, frequent workouts. I'm going full body, and training several days in a row. I'm avoiding 'grinders' for the most part, keeping all reps crisp and strong.
Feeling great, work capacity is improving.  Little gym related soreness.

My weight-loss has steadied off. I am still keto. The weight has stayed consistent for two weeks, but I am slimming down. Hurray for recomp.


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## snake (May 20, 2021)

Glad you're back at it. Keep your chin up and enjoy the time with the wife tomorrow!


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## OldeBull1 (May 25, 2021)

1) a. Squats
     b. Log press
     c. Narrow chinups

2)a. Bulgarian squats
   b.  Decline situps

3)a) kirk rows
   b) db lateral raises


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## OldeBull1 (May 27, 2021)

5/26
1)a. Trap bar Deadlift b. Incline press c. Barbell rows
2)a. Lateral lunges b. Rocky situps
3)a. Close grip bench b. Face pulls


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## OldeBull1 (May 27, 2021)

Cardio today. 25 minutes elliptical,  15 minutes rowing.
Oh, the necessary evil.

I carb binged this past weekend, and went up 9lbs. I've been dropping 2lbs a day since Monday. Water and glycogen.


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## ATLRigger (May 27, 2021)

Thank you for your service.
Welcome home.  
Im glad you’re in our group.


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## OldeBull1 (May 27, 2021)

Got out to the park with the kids, drug them around on a sled for a while. Cardio.
That shit is a lot easier with snow on the ground.


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