# Getting to know DNW222 better



## DNW (Jul 19, 2019)

This is a really long read but is what's going on in my life right now.

A little bit of history with my mom first... She's borrowed money off and on for years and has burned me a few times (she had/has a gambling problem). We had a fallout and didnt talk for years.

Three years ago I started trying to be a better person, mentally and physically. Decided to give relationship another try. Wasnt long before she started asking for money again. Just told her I didnt have it. Eventually I gave in and would only give her $200 at a time.

So two months ago she calls me asking for $1400 or she's getting evicted. "Yea, dont have it I'm sorry." Get a call a couple days later asking if she can "sleep on living room floor" or they are going to a shelter. Talk to the wife and we agree...mostly bc I dont want to live with the guilt. Told her she had 4 months and she had to sign an agreement, which she said was ok.

She had to borrow roughly $400 from us so she could rent a car and gas. She and her 15 yr old adopted autistic son start driving from Florida to my house in TX. Instead of using money to get groceries, she would get them fast food or Starbucks. Her excuse was it's cheaper to get fast food then to spend it on more groceries. She even rented a car for a couple days so she could take him out bc "they were cooped up".

"Mom, you still havent paid us back and you're eating out, renting a car, going bowling, whatever...its disrespectful."

"We are used to a certain lifestyle and try and tell that to a 15 year old autistic kid."

Hahahaha

"Easy. We have to eat cheap and have no life bc we are living in my son's dining room in his 1500 sq ft house, with his wife and 2 kids."

So I finally give her the agreement today. It lists them as guests and says things like you leave what you came with, duration of stay, 30 day notice at 3 months...sh*t like that. She signs it, hands it back to me and says "dont worry, your stuff is safe now".

"Excuse me?"

"We won't steal your stuff and we'll be out of your hair soon."

"Would you like to leave earlier?"

More stuff was said back and forth. Needless to say it should be an interesting 2 months.

And this is one of the many reasons I LOVE the gym.


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## Jin (Jul 19, 2019)

I applaud you wanting to help your mother. 

However, you seem to be enabling her.


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## DNW (Jul 19, 2019)

Jin said:


> I applaud you wanting to help your mother.
> 
> However, you seem to be enabling her.



Yup, agreed.  Wanted to be able to say I did everything I could so I could move on with clear conscience.. Conscience is clear


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## Jin (Jul 19, 2019)

DNW222 said:


> Yup, agreed.  Wanted to be able to say I did everything I could so I could move on with clear conscience.. Conscience is clear



Glad to hear it. 

Cut the cord. She needs to hit the bottom to wake up.


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## Jin (Jul 19, 2019)

Now you can afford to want to pay for that blood work


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## snake (Jul 19, 2019)

I would never want to be a burden to any of children. It's a sad story and hope the best for everyone.


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## TcWrstling (Jul 19, 2019)

You did your part man, she will most likely keep up that behavior as long as you let her. She's an adult and she knows what she's doing. Like jin said you're probably just enabling her at this point. There's no need for guilt You have a wife and kids to worry about and who knows where this could lead if you let it keep going further. 

It's sad but sometimes people only learn the hard way.

Wish you luck, I hope it all works out for you and your family!


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## Rhino99 (Jul 19, 2019)

Similar story with my dad...good luck bro, I know where you're at.


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## BRICKS (Jul 19, 2019)

Good luck man.  Bad behavior only changes when it becomes more painful to continue it than to change it.

Check the laws in your state.  In some states it is extremely difficult legally to get somebody out of your house once you let them in.  I had a huge problem with this in CA years ago,it was a 
nightmare


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## Viduus (Jul 19, 2019)

Jin said:


> Glad to hear it.
> 
> Cut the cord. She needs to hit the bottom to wake up.



From personal experience they sometimes just hit bottom. Either way, your obligation is to your wife now.


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## DNW (Jul 19, 2019)

BRICKS said:


> Check the laws in your state.  In some states it is extremely difficult legally to get somebody out of your house once you let them in.  I had a huge problem with this in CA years ago,it was a
> nightmare



Yea, its definitely a concern for us, which is why we are giving 30 day notice.  After a month of stay (paying or not) they have rights.


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## DNW (Sep 6, 2019)

Had a fight with mom tonight.  A lot of stuff was said like "you're not the son I raised" and "my son didnt come back from iraq."  My ears are red f*cling hot.  Gym


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## Gibsonator (Sep 6, 2019)

Go blow off that steam man!!!


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## Jin (Sep 6, 2019)

DNW said:


> Had a fight with mom tonight.  A lot of stuff was said like "you're not the son I raised" and "my son didnt come back from iraq."  My ears are red f*cling hot.  Gym



Time for her to pack her bags and get out of your life. 

Sorry she’s not only ungrateful but hateful as well.


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## Gibsonator (Sep 6, 2019)

like a band aid man. Like Nike, just do it 
seriously tho get out of that situation asap.
she will either come to her senses one day (don't hold your breath), or she won't.  
I hardly speak with my mother but she's still my mom, always will be, I'll always love her but she will never change, and that's fine, about 2 years ago I chose to not include her in my personal life of effect me in any negative way anymore. Is what it is! Life goes on, I take care of me and mine


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## DNW (Sep 6, 2019)

Thanks brothers. I actually am ready to kick her out. I need to look over the agreement and also possible repercussion for not upholding move out date of sep 23.  I'm going to write her a letter as well.  I get too hot headed to think clearly in the moment and also dont want that shit anywhere near my kids. But some more things need to be said.  I tried.


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## Beserker (Sep 6, 2019)

I had to cutoff my father a few years ago... there comes a point where you’ve done all you can, excused or forgiven what you could, and nothing short of exile will remedy the situation.  Your kids deserve peace in the home... don’t let her bring you down.


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## DNW (Sep 6, 2019)

Beserker said:


> I had to cutoff my father a few years ago... there comes a point where you’ve done all you can, excused or forgiven what you could, and nothing short of exile will remedy the situation.  Your kids deserve peace in the home... don’t let her bring you down.



I saw it coming but hoped it would be different.  The sad part is my kids will literally have zero family on my side.  Neither do I for that matter. It's for the best though. Sigh


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## Gibsonator (Sep 6, 2019)

DNW said:


> I saw it coming but hoped it would be different.  The sad part is my kids will literally have zero family on my side.  Neither do I for that matter. It's for the best though. Sigh



same here man,  only grandparents. and my son and i are just fine


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## Beserker (Sep 6, 2019)

I hear ya, my kids just have me on my side.. momma grew up in group homes and joined the Corps at 18... no reliable family either.  It’s tough, but we are unbreakable, as I’m sure you are as well.  I have a 1,000,000 life insurance policy for worse case scenario...


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## DNW (Sep 6, 2019)

I'm forcing the issue by not driving/picking her up from work. Also changed wifi password last night. She just came up to me asking what was wrong with wifi.  I turned it off.  Can you turn it back on?  No.  Is that until we leave?  Yes.  Her kid is hopelessly addicted to internet and whatever tf roblox is.  Shes on the phone in the bathroom now.  I'm done.


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## Metalhead1 (Sep 6, 2019)

I hate it for you brother, and having to turn your back on family isn't easy. I did it years ago with my parents, because I didn't want my kids around them.

As time goes on, it gets easier, and soon enough, it's a distant memory. Best of luck.


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## HollyWoodCole (Sep 6, 2019)

DNW said:


> I'm forcing the issue by not driving/picking her up from work. Also changed wifi password last night. She just came up to me asking what was wrong with wifi.  I turned it off.  Can you turn it back on?  No.  Is that until we leave?  Yes.  Her kid is hopelessly addicted to internet and whatever tf roblox is.  Shes on the phone in the bathroom now.  I'm done.


Oof.  None of that sounds fun man.

Hate all of that is happening for everyone involved.  No real words of wisdom, but I do hope it gets better soon.


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## DNW (Sep 6, 2019)

She parked in my front yard to load her car lol.  Total petty bs. Didnt say goodbye to my daughter. Didnt mention my son or saying goodbye to him or waiting for him to come back from dr.  Recorded a large portion for any potential vindictiveness. I now have 7 mins of my mom at her worst. At least it's over and maybe this depression will lift.  Thanks again bros


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## Gibsonator (Sep 6, 2019)

good for you man!!!!
oh and you should've cut the wifi a long time ago lololol


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## DNW (Sep 6, 2019)

Gibsonator said:


> good for you man!!!!
> oh and you should've cut the wifi a long time ago lololol



Lol yea.  I knew it would do it.  Was still clinging to the illusion tho


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## Bootasfuk (Sep 9, 2019)

Good for you man. Gotta look out for them kids. Get rid of the negative. And nobody comes home from a tour the same person. I dont care what anybody says. You grow up and see shit in life completely different


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## Texan69 (Sep 11, 2019)

Feel bad for the 15 year old having to deal with this stress. As well as your family. I totally understand wanting to help family especially your mother and a young  person with special needs. I agree it’s enabling her but at the same time I would probably do the same if I were in your position. I hope the best for all involved and hope it goes smoother than expected.


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## DNW (Sep 11, 2019)

Texan69 said:


> Feel bad for the 15 year old having to deal with this stress. As well as your family. I totally understand wanting to help family especially your mother and a young  person with special needs. I agree it’s enabling her but at the same time I would probably do the same if I were in your position. I hope the best for all involved and hope it goes smoother than expected.



Thanks man.  It's already over and it did not go smoother than expected lol.  I knew at about day 10 that it was not going to end well.  Looking back, I wish I had said no bc I would have been able to hold onto who I thought my mom was/is.


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## Texan69 (Sep 11, 2019)

DNW said:


> Thanks brothers. I actually am ready to kick her out. I need to look over the agreement and also possible repercussion for not upholding move out date of sep 23.  I'm going to write her a letter as well.  I get too hot headed to think clearly in the moment and also dont want that shit anywhere near my kids. But some more things need to be said.  I tried.





Edit: just read your reply sorry did not realize it was already over. 


How long has she been there, your in Texas correct? . In Texas if they establish residency (no set time frame but i would say at least week or so with personal belongings there maybe with the agreement they would stay longer etc ) you gotta evict them police can’t make them leave once they’ve “established residency” as far as the paperwork if it’s just  drafted up between y’all and not an actual legal lease per say like a landlord or apartments complex does then you should not  be liable for not upholding it of course she can take you to court and hope the court rules in her favor but does she really have the money to pay court fees and spend the time for the process etc

If she doesn’t leave I Would call the police see what they can do or if them just being there makes her decide to leave and of they end up making her leave even though she’s established residency then screw it that’s on them if she chooses to complain about her rights being violated.


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## DNW (Sep 11, 2019)

Yea I knew I couldn't kick her out until agreed upon date. But I never said I would provide internet or a ride to/from work so I forced the issue without saying get out. As a final covering my ass, I'm not purchasing and changing the locks until the agreed upon date, and am keeping receipts of new locks.


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