# Cats



## shenky (Dec 5, 2013)

I don't like them

I came home from work this afternoon and there was a cat. Clearly domesticated, the cat brushed against my leg, meowed a few times and waited patiently for me to pat its stupid head. So I did, and went on my way, but the cat followed. I closed my door before the varmint can step inside and went about my business. But no, the cat insisted my home was where it belonged, and meowed and scratched at my door step for an hour and a half. Frustrated, I walked down stairs (of course, the cat followed) to ask around. My neighbor happened to be outside to tell me the cat had materialized on her doorstep last night, and had literally been there ever since, meowing. it's raining tonight. Goddamnit. Curious and slightly optimistic, I led the cat inside, closed the door, then opened it, hoping the cat would dart out as a test to see if it indeed had a home, but no, it blankly stared at me. This is my home now, it said, "You belong to me". 

I said to myself, **** this shit, dragged it back outside, and left for some jiu jitsu action. 2 hours later, the cat is on my ****ing doorstep.

So now I have this stupid cat in my apartment. It has no personality, and knows nothing except to demand things from me. Pet me, feed me, loathe me. 


Next step. EUTHANASIA. No, I'm just kidding. But this thing is not staying here.


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## Rumpy (Dec 5, 2013)

I'll take it.  Oh, and we can't be friends anymore


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## ImDennis (Dec 5, 2013)

we aint friends no more


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## shenky (Dec 5, 2013)

Rumpy said:


> I'll take it.  Oh, and we can't be friends anymore



You are clearly biased, you cat loving whore


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## shenky (Dec 5, 2013)

i hate all of you.


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## shenky (Dec 5, 2013)

Rumpy said:


> I'll take it.  Oh, and we can't be friends anymore



I'll send the cat ASAP for a monetary fee. 

What do you want first? The tail, or its head?


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## Rumpy (Dec 5, 2013)




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## Bro Bundy (Dec 5, 2013)

I hate cats too!


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## ImDennis (Dec 5, 2013)

this is the most racist post ive ever seen


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## DocDePanda187123 (Dec 5, 2013)

Well she doesn't like you much either : p


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## Rumpy (Dec 5, 2013)

Now Bundy's on my list


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## ImDennis (Dec 5, 2013)




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## shenky (Dec 5, 2013)

Where a cat belongs


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## DocDePanda187123 (Dec 5, 2013)

^^^10characters


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## ImDennis (Dec 5, 2013)

when op sees a cat, first word that comes to  his mind is pussy, then he's reminded that he'll never get any in his life so he hates all cats


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## Seeker (Dec 5, 2013)

Selfish Fukin animals!


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## ImDennis (Dec 5, 2013)

Seeker said:


> Selfish Fukin animals!













wut...


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## Rumpy (Dec 5, 2013)

Damn.  I have to go.  But you all know where I stand on this.


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## shenky (Dec 5, 2013)

Rumpy said:


> Damn.  I have to go.  But you all know where I stand on this.



yes, in hell


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## shenky (Dec 5, 2013)

ImDennis said:


> wut...


 

Not impressed; too distracted by pictures of bull terrier puppies


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## shenky (Dec 5, 2013)

Seeker said:


> Selfish Fukin animals!



Ask yourself, "what has a cat done for _me_ lately"?

And the answer will be " not once has my cat made me breakfast"


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## ImDennis (Dec 5, 2013)

shenky said:


> Ask yourself, "what has a cat done for _me_ lately"?
> 
> And the answer will be " not once has my cat made me breakfast"



if everyone thought like that, we'd all be single...


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## DocDePanda187123 (Dec 5, 2013)

shenky said:


> Ask yourself, "what has a cat done for _me_ lately"?
> 
> And the answer will be " not once has my cat made me breakfast"



Neither have bull terrier pups hanaha


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## Maintenance Man (Dec 5, 2013)

You bloody cat hater. May they come in the night and leave footprints allllll over the windows of your car!!!


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## Flyingdragon (Dec 5, 2013)

There is this guy named Tiller who will pay top dollar for your feline friend.  He pays more than a Korean restaurant would.....


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## Armedanddangerous (Dec 5, 2013)

Maintenance Man said:


> You bloody cat hater. May they come in the night and leave footprints allllll over the windows of your car!!!



That's funny!!....and I hate that shit hahaha


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## TheBlob (Dec 5, 2013)

How could you even think of evicting this cat! Have you no soul man?


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## Joliver (Dec 5, 2013)

teach it tricks.  Post them regularly.  Earn Rumpy's love back. It's the right thing to do.


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## Maintenance Man (Dec 5, 2013)

Armedanddangerous said:


> That's funny!!....and I hate that shit hahaha



Seems like that do that shit on purpose right when you just cleaned it! fukkers lol


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## Armedanddangerous (Dec 5, 2013)

Maintenance Man said:


> Seems like that do that shit on purpose right when you just cleaned it! fukkers lol



And on my black truck lol


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## shenky (Dec 5, 2013)

Docd187123 said:


> Neither have bull terrier pups hanaha



Cuteness level: maximum; doesn't matter



TheBlob said:


> How could you even think of evicting this cat! Have you no soul man?



Well, on a serious note, I was considering the humane society, but I really don't want to cough up 40 bucks, but if I really can't figure anything else out, I'll do it. The stink of cat shit woke me from a deep slumber twice last night, which also reminded me that if I did end up keeping this thing, I'd be sharing my apartment with not only the cat, but the cat's poop


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## Azog (Dec 5, 2013)

I don't understand cats/cat peiple. Cat's are useless.


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## AlphaD (Dec 5, 2013)

I like puppies.......


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## AliCat (Dec 5, 2013)

shenky said:


> I don't like them
> 
> I came home from work this afternoon and there was a cat. Clearly domesticated, the cat brushed against my leg, meowed a few times and waited patiently for me to pat its stupid head. So I did, and went on my way, but the cat followed. I closed my door before the varmint can step inside and went about my business. But no, the cat insisted my home was where it belonged, and meowed and scratched at my door step for an hour and a half. Frustrated, I walked down stairs (of course, the cat followed) to ask around. My neighbor happened to be outside to tell me the cat had materialized on her doorstep last night, and had literally been there ever since, meowing. it's raining tonight. Goddamnit. Curious and slightly optimistic, I led the cat inside, closed the door, then opened it, hoping the cat would dart out as a test to see if it indeed had a home, but no, it blankly stared at me. This is my home now, it said, "You belong to me".
> 
> ...



That's exactly how I got AliCat, and a username!


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## DF (Dec 5, 2013)

Take that bitch for "a ride".


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## TheBlob (Dec 5, 2013)

Wooow that puppy up top is a really healthy looking animal:32 (14):


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## Gt500face (Dec 5, 2013)

Start giving it AAS.


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## DocDePanda187123 (Dec 5, 2013)

AlphaD said:


> I like puppies.......



I like where you're going with this my united uni-nut brutha from anutha mutha lol


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## PillarofBalance (Dec 5, 2013)

I had to care for my sisters cat years ago... That thing was a bitch. My wife at the time (now ex) was 8 months pregnant and the cat played this game called attack pregger lady's feet while coming down the stairs. Without fail it would jump and claw her legs when coming down.  She started carrying a broom and would smash it when it lunged.  Little ****er almost aborted my beautiful daughter. 

I hate cats. 

Fortunately my current woman is allergic. 

I would say though, that you have done something both good and stupid.  It is good to look after all creatures. This cat is obviously in some trouble. You might think about a craigslist post with a pic of it.  Why was it stupid? The ****ing thing could be rabid.  Rabies doesn't always come as aggression. It can also be overly cuddly and lethargic.  And did I mention rabies is 100% fatal? There has been one case in the history of rabies where someone by some miracle survived.


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## shenky (Dec 5, 2013)

PillarofBalance said:


> I had to care for my sisters cat years ago... That thing was a bitch. My wife at the time (now ex) was 8 months pregnant and the cat played this game called attack pregger lady's feet while coming down the stairs. Without fail it would jump and claw her legs when coming down.  She started carrying a broom and would smash it when it lunged.  Little ****er almost aborted my beautiful daughter.
> 
> I hate cats.
> 
> ...




It seems neither lethargic or aggressive. If it seemed the least bit ill, I wouldn't have brought it in. I called it stupid because I don't like cats, yet here he is, chilling in my apartment. I asked a neighbor and he said he'd call around to see if someone wanted a cat, and he'd probably be able to find someone. I tried kicking it out today by letting the cat out and walking through my apartment complex. It followed me nearly the entire way, and when I lost it, it stopped dead in its tracks, defeated, and started crying. I couldn't handle it - those feels. So here it is again.


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## Iron1 (Dec 5, 2013)

shenky said:


> It seems neither lethargic or aggressive. If it seemed the least bit ill, I wouldn't have brought it in. I called it stupid because I don't like cats, yet here he is, chilling in my apartment. I asked a neighbor and he said he'd call around to see if someone wanted a cat, and he'd probably be able to find someone. I tried kicking it out today by letting the cat out and walking through my apartment complex. It followed me nearly the entire way, and when I lost it, it stopped dead in its tracks, defeated, and started crying. I couldn't handle it - those feels. So here it is again.



Lead it out of your house and then throw a hamburger patty onto whomever's porch you'd like to have "adopt" it.
That's what my neighbors did to me.


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## TheBlob (Dec 6, 2013)

Lol.... Man that cat loves you, get it a litter box and a name.... I suggest Blob, or Shenky, Joliver, or definitely Rumpy


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## Bro Bundy (Dec 6, 2013)

Rumpy said:


> Now Bundy's on my list



Im on every list


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## Rumpy (Dec 6, 2013)

Rumpy was the name of one of my cats


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## mrSlate (Dec 6, 2013)

You could take it to a local vet and they will scan it for free. It might be chipped by the previous owner.


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## shenky (Dec 6, 2013)

update: Put pic and description on craigslist. Lady is picking 'er up Sunday. Good days.


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## Rumpy (Dec 6, 2013)

Was it her cat or is she just adopting it?


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## Iron1 (Dec 6, 2013)

Rumpy said:


> Was it her cat or is she just adopting it?



I hear she works for the chinese food place.


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## DocDePanda187123 (Dec 6, 2013)

Iron1 said:


> I hear she works for the chinese food place.



That's my sesame chicken for next week


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## DieYoungStrong (Dec 6, 2013)

This is the problem with cats. Some shmuck fed, sheltered and loved that Cat. The Cat, being a typical asshole Cat, decided to just say "thanks for the free parking", and left.

He was out on the prowl, avoiding Koreans and Coyotes, and looking for the next sucker who would take care of him. He found Shenky. When he's had enough of Shenky, he will take his asshole Cat antics elsewhere. Cats are ignorant, narcissistic assholes. If Obama were an animal, he'd most likely be a black, asshole cat.

A dog would never pull shit like this. A dog gets lost, and he's happier then the owner if he gets found. A cat gets found, and he's just like "oh, its you". He looks about as excited as any of us would returning home after a "boys" weekend.


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## stonetag (Dec 7, 2013)

AlphaD said:


> I like puppies.......



Puppies....and flesh pillows!


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## AlphaD (Dec 7, 2013)

shenky said:


> update: Put pic and description on craigslist. Lady is picking 'er up Sunday. Good days.


Shenky that is a bit different for you. .......you are usually on craigslist looking for pussy.....


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## shenky (Dec 7, 2013)

AlphaD said:


> Shenky that is a bit different for you. .......you are usually on craigslist looking for pussy.....



My thoughts exactly. When she said she was from craigslist, I said to myself, "I don't remember putting my number in the Male for ma- I mean, M4W section..."



DieYoungStrong said:


> This is the problem with cats. Some shmuck fed, sheltered and loved that Cat. The Cat, being a typical asshole Cat, decided to just say "thanks for the free parking", and left.
> 
> He was out on the prowl, avoiding Koreans and Coyotes, and looking for the next sucker who would take care of him. He found Shenky. When he's had enough of Shenky, he will take his asshole Cat antics elsewhere. Cats are ignorant, narcissistic assholes. If Obama were an animal, he'd most likely be a black, asshole cat.
> 
> A dog would never pull shit like this. A dog gets lost, and he's happier then the owner if he gets found. A cat gets found, and he's just like "oh, its you". He looks about as excited as any of us would returning home after a "boys" weekend.



I agree. Dogs rule!



Rumpy said:


> Was it her cat or is she just adopting it?




Adopting it. She sounded skeptical, so I offered to buy her litter, just please get this ****ing thing out of my (currently) smelly apartment.


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## Bro Bundy (Dec 7, 2013)

I bet tiller loves this thread!


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## ImDennis (Dec 7, 2013)

AlphaD said:


> I like puppies.......


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## Magical (Dec 14, 2013)

We had an indoor cat, until she stopped using the litter box and was pissing next to it in the floor. Game over, outside cat


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## Rumpy (Dec 14, 2013)

Magical said:


> We had an indoor cat, until she stopped using the litter box and was pissing next to it in the floor. Game over, outside cat



She wants 2 boxes, a poop box and a pee box.  One big box won't do, it has to be 2 separate boxes.  It's a cat thing.


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## Bro Bundy (Dec 14, 2013)

i once saw a pitbull tear a cat to shreds


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## Seeker (Dec 14, 2013)

Cats make funny noises when they Fuk.


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## stonetag (Dec 15, 2013)

Docd187123 said:


> That's my sesame chicken for next week


A Chinese restaurant here in my town was popped for having a coyote in the walk-in cooler, I shiit you not!  So I think a cat could fit into the menu right nicely! lmao


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## Yaya (Dec 15, 2013)

I hate cats... I will kick one my hardest


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## losieloos (Dec 15, 2013)

Seeker said:


> Cats make funny noises when they Fuk.



What kind of porn are u watching seekah.


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## ImDennis (Dec 15, 2013)

losieloos said:


> What kind of porn are u watching seekah.


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## Magical (Dec 15, 2013)

Brother Bundy said:


> i once saw a pitbull tear a cat to shreds



I wish I could see that outside my front door


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## Magical (Dec 15, 2013)

ImDennis said:


>



Looks like cat rape


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## Magical (Dec 15, 2013)

... and shit


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