# Your opinions?



## Cobra Strike (Jul 19, 2013)

Alright guys I got a question..something thats been on my mind for years...

Lets say you get married to a great woman that you know will never cheat on you...you know so well that the thought never even enters your mind. So as the years pass you accumulate lots of nice things..big house expensive neighbor hood...high society reputation...expensive vehicles...all the things you want so when you think you want to buy something you cant cause there is nothing left to buy.

As time goes by the intimacy, passion, attractiveness, and affection begins to fizzle to the point where you just love eachother but now act like roommates going through the daily motions....then along comes a baby...still the connection between you and her is non existant. She never complains about it though and says she is happy when you ask her if she is happy. You always catch yourself dreaming of what it would be like with another woman...

After all this would you guys stay and try and work things out between you two and keep your upscale life and coming home to your kid everyday or would you leave her to take a chance to find whats missing in another woman and lose your home and deal with all the splitting up of your shit and only get to see your kid with 50/50 custody and miss some of thier growing up cause your only there half the time??? (lets not forget that she will find another guy that will try to be your kids dad when your not there). Is it legitimate to want or need that spark in a relationship or is it all a part of being married and thats just how its suppose to be?


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## PFM (Jul 19, 2013)

Think about your kid. How many guys out there are good enough to step in and play father to your own blood? I've been where you're at, it comes and goes. I know all about day dreaming about some new found "love" and that rip your clothes off sex. Chasing a fresh piece of ass will be exciting but you already know the outcome.

When you're 70 years old (married for 40-50 years) you will have accomplished what few can or will. 

Interesting..........I've felt almost trapped lately myself, then along come two temptations, two days in a row. I've milled over making a very similar thread without the kid(s).

Now for my opinion: Stay on your path, be a man of your word and honor to your wife and child.


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## JAXNY (Jul 19, 2013)

I'm not Married but have been in quit a few relationships and have seen people in your position, so ill try and be helpful. first off the woman you have is certainly a rare one to find and you seem to have her. I wouldn't give her up and everything you've built along with your history together. for what? some spark again with another women. you don't know how long your new spark will last or what other troubling issues you'll have with her not to mention all of
the heart ache and problems you'll have to deal with with your current wife. you'll be smart to keep your current wife and life and try to find a way to get that spark back, weather you can or not, shell always love you for it.
but honestly, if I were you. I wouldn't take anyone's opinion on what to do. what might have worked out well for one couple or even many other couples may not be the best thing for you and her.
the only two people id listen to if I were you is yourself and your wife, you both will figure out whats best for the both of you.  good luck brother, hope things work out well for you.


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## SFGiants (Jul 19, 2013)

You have to put in the work to make it work!

You can leave and find a new women and in time be in the same situation brother.

All couples I know that have made it 20, 30, 40 and more years say it takes work and I always here at some point many years down the road they find a new spark with each other.

You feel the way you do because she has been around a long time and your did what it took to get her and keeper her around now you have to do what it takes to keep making her happy you have to find a life that is about just the 2 of you that excludes even the kids at times you have to have time alone with just the 2 of you.


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## SuperBane (Jul 19, 2013)

It is the nature of man to want to conquer.

Conquer all things.


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## Bro Bundy (Jul 19, 2013)

cobra we aint getting any younger.If u had a kid with her try to work shit out


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## #TheMatrix (Jul 19, 2013)

I  have a  long  post  to  make.   I've  been  through  what  you're  talking  about.      learned  lots  of  knowledge.  ill  share  when  I'm  at  my  computer.


ill  call it  trembolone temptations  in  the  life  of sparticus.

cobra.  I  figured  out  the  way  out  of  the  tunnel ....


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## NbleSavage (Jul 19, 2013)

The kid is the clincher in this scenario IMO. Once you've procreated, its no longer about you: it's about the family unit and specifically about that kid's development until they can legitimately fend for themselves. 

After the kid is ready to be self-sufficient, you could reassess. Until then, I'd say stick it out and take those urges for strange out on RedTube, Mate


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## Tren4Life (Jul 19, 2013)

The simple way I found to make it work is to let her think she is in charge. It takes some getting used to but it works for us. You have to learn to set your principals aside. I am like SFG I think you will have the same trouble with another woman.


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## Jada (Jul 19, 2013)

Ive been married for 8 yrs and been with my wife for 13yrs in total,  3rd kid upincoming soon , ive felt that way a couple of times in my time with her but at the end I realized that EVERYWOMEN has something that they can annoy u with, if u have a good women on ur hands their isnt one thing that cant b fixed, at the end I agree with the bros here, start all over again and what find another issue with the next person, cobra stay with her , sit down with her and keep it 100 with her and tell her how u feel and if their is something wrong that u r doing that is making her react that way. I would never tell u to leave , always try to fix FOR THE KID, but at the end if u try and try and she doesnt want to fix situation then u have to come to a decision.  As always to u and all my bros im always a pm away. Hope everything gets fixed.


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## Bro Bundy (Jul 19, 2013)

Cobra Strike said:


> Alright guys I got a question..something thats been on my mind for years...
> 
> Lets say you get married to a great woman that you know will never cheat on you...you know so well that the thought never even enters your mind. So as the years pass you accumulate lots of nice things..big house expensive neighbor hood...high society reputation...expensive vehicles...all the things you want so when you think you want to buy something you cant cause there is nothing left to buy.
> 
> ...



u can always get your jollies off on the side bro..call manhole herm over he gives great head!


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## PillarofBalance (Jul 19, 2013)

Cobra I'm divorced with a 5 year old daughter. It can be awful most times. The guilt can be overwhelming. 

It's time to recharge the relationship. You can take control of that by doing small things that can mean the world.

Flowers
A love letter
A massage (by you not purchased)
Make a special dinner
Get the in laws to watch the kid while you fly to New York in the morning, shop have dinner and fly home that night. 
Get away for a weekend
Sign up for ballroom dance lessons 

Those ideas took me 30 seconds to come up with.  Making her feel special will make her want you to feel special. But it takes a daily effort.


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## chicken wing (Jul 19, 2013)

Best thing to do is try and make it work. But if it just don't work then move on brutha. Its hard when kids are involved but in time the kids will adjust to it. I've been through it bro. Just make sure you sty in your kids life as much as possible. Its not good for a kid to grow up seeing parents not getting along. But first you have to try it 100%. Don't give up just like that. But also don't live life unhappy.


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## SAD (Jul 19, 2013)

The grass is not greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it.


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## Cobra Strike (Jul 19, 2013)

Thanks for all your responses guys. It just sucks feeling like her roommate instead of her man. I know the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence but dam I need some kind of attention from her. I want her to look at me like she use to...maybe smile a little...I don't see how she can be happy like this. Im actually trying to make it work  at the moment but what I'm looking for is some effort from her and as of right now when I speak of change or work or effort she just wants to give up and say she's not the one for me then...like she's fukin lazy and won't help us...idk its a bitch


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## SAD (Jul 19, 2013)

Cobra Strike said:


> Thanks for all your responses guys. It just sucks feeling like her roommate instead of her man. I know the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence but dam I need some kind of attention from her. I want her to look at me like she use to...maybe smile a little...I don't see how she can be happy like this. Im actually trying to make it work  at the moment but what I'm looking for is some effort from her and as of right now when I speak of change or work or effort she just wants to give up and say she's not the one for me then...like she's fukin lazy and won't help us...idk its a bitch



The Five Love Languages is a book that will teach YOU how to love her, and HER how to love you, in the way that she/you respond to.  Yeah, it's based on a Christian premise, but you can just take the test and find out how it is that YOU respond to love, and then she does the same.  We all tend to try to love others as WE would like to be loved, but that's not necessarily how the recipient needs to feel love.

I recommend that book to every couple I know and I swear its stopped a few divorces in my inner circle.


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## creekrat (Jul 19, 2013)

Me and the mrs went through this a couple years ago and i fucked it up.  Luckily i have the most wonderful woman in the world and she forgave me and we are now stronger than ever.  Get back to the basics and don't worry about the belongings.  Go on a picnic with just the 2 of you.  Go camping and find a swimming hole to go skinny dipping in.  Be an 18 year old kid and throw caution to the wind.  Be spontaneous.  At some point it quits being easy and you have to make a conscious decision to make it work.  Just make it a point to have fun.


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## PFM (Jul 19, 2013)

Cobra Strike said:


> Thanks for all your responses guys. It just sucks feeling like her roommate instead of her man. I know the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence but dam I need some kind of attention from her. I want her to look at me like she use to...maybe smile a little...I don't see how she can be happy like this. Im actually trying to make it work  at the moment but what I'm looking for is some effort from her and as of right now when I speak of change or work or effort she just wants to give up and say she's not the one for me then...like she's fukin lazy and won't help us...idk its a bitch



Sounds as though she's too comfortable, that's a tough situation. Initiate a boost, plan "a date" like you did back in the heat of your journey together. As men we have to set examples all the time, it never gets easier being the one with the balls. If you don't feel like it's your all your job to create new fire I agree with you, you are not alone. 

Give it a shot, light some fires.


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## grind4it (Jul 19, 2013)

What you're feeling is totally normal. If any man stays married/committed relationship for long enough he will experiences lil of the thoughts and feeling you are experiencing.  Please keep this in mind. If you follow your heart and try and find another woman with all of the love that you experienced when you met your current wife.... After a few years you will feel exactly the way you feel now. Your children need you and they need to see a stable relationship. If there is not violence, infidelity or other unacceptable it is my opinion that you should stay committed to the relationship.

You may have been one of the new age couples that wrote their own vows. If not, you promised to be commuted to this relationship for better or worse in good time and bad. It will get better. It always dose. The first step is to communicate with your wife. She maybe feeling similar feelings. 

Just my two cents


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## chicken wing (Jul 19, 2013)

Bro do something romantic and surprise her. Just try and put the spark back in it. Something you use to do when you first swept her off her feet. Bro reality is all you can do is try. But it takes 2 to make it work. If she is not trying then just seperate for a bit. Let her see how it is with out you. But remember there is always the possibility that she might like it without you. But couples tend to get used to having the other one around. And that's not good. Me and my wife just went through this about a month ago. Time away can bring you closer. Sometimes..


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## PillarofBalance (Jul 19, 2013)

SAD said:


> The grass is not greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it.



I love this



Cobra Strike said:


> Thanks for all your responses guys. It just sucks feeling like her roommate instead of her man. I know the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence but dam I need some kind of attention from her. I want her to look at me like she use to...maybe smile a little...I don't see how she can be happy like this. Im actually trying to make it work  at the moment but what I'm looking for is some effort from her and as of right now when I speak of change or work or effort she just wants to give up and say she's not the one for me then...like she's fukin lazy and won't help us...idk its a bitch



Counseling might help to talk about this. A structured environment makes it easier.  Someone there to help stop you or her from getting defensive when you're being told something unpleasant.  Instead you'll learn to acknowledge the others feelings and opinions.  Which is the most sincere form of respect there is.


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## R1rider (Jul 19, 2013)

Hey Cobra,

I dont have a wife or any kids. Im 29yrs old and I am a dog, a guy who goes from woman to woman and thats why im always alone on Xmass, Thanks Giving and all the holidays..... I wish i had a family and someone there for me.

I wish i had what you have, however cold or not green it is. You have a family that loves you, depends on you and needs you. You can make it work brother or do whatever it takes from your end to make it work. When your wife sees you putting in all this effort, she will try as well.

Only you can be the best dad to you children and also the best husband to the wife you first fell in love with and married. 

Hang in there, there will be good times again


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## Bullseye Forever (Jul 19, 2013)

My brother Cobra,i feel for you man,i was in a marriage for 18 years,i have a 21 year old son and a 19 year old daughter from that marriage,i couldn't do enough for her,i couldn't make enough money etc,finally she left me after I tried and tried to do the right thing for my kids,but she left and for my own happiness,it was great,but after,she turned my kids against me,i see them now maybe once a year if im lucky,they wont return my calls etc,i know my situation I was in is alittle different but it started from the same things you are talking about,i tried my best but finally I just said fuck it,i wannabe happy and live happy and I want a life,so she left,it was the best thing for me that ever happened,but the after affects from my kids has drove me nuts,she ran me down to them,turned them against me and I hate her for that and what shes done to me,and she broke me financially and it was a big mess,and I still live from day trying to figure out how I can be in my kids lives
but its hard to do,if theres any hope in your heart brother,try and work it out,i just fell out of love with my ex years before she left and I stayed in it for my kids and wished I had gotten out earlier,but man like I said if theres any hope and desire in your heart try and make it work,cause its not greener on the other side,it is for a while,but once the new wears off,its the same old shit but with a different person if you remarry,everybody has baggage,its how you adjust to it to survive,and me,its hard,very hard and I just havet to live day to day
Brother im here for ya if you need me man!! cause I know excalty what you are going through


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## jennerrator (Jul 19, 2013)

Cobra, you guys have a new baby...was she like this before having it? Could be the baby blues...could be she is not feeling attractive (we tend to shut down) or it could be that she has just checked out. Thing is, no matter what you do and I hate to say this, she is the one that needs to figure out what she wants. I say this because you say she is the one that is pulling away and giving up, maybe she should talk to someone or as someone else mentioned, couples therapy. I wouldn't walk away unless you are completely sure it's what is best for both of you.


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## JAXNY (Jul 19, 2013)

Cobra Strike said:


> Thanks for all your responses guys. It just sucks feeling like her roommate instead of her man. I know the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence but dam I need some kind of attention from her. I want her to look at me like she use to...maybe smile a little...I don't see how she can be happy like this. Im actually trying to make it work  at the moment but what I'm looking for is some effort from her and as of right now when I speak of change or work or effort she just wants to give up and say she's not the one for me then...like she's fukin lazy and won't help us...idk its a bitch



Think how you would act and treat a new hot girl that you
Just met and you want to get her to like you, now try doing
That to your wife. Pretend it's the first time with her. 
Don't expect effort from her yet, you put the work in
And dazzle her.... And see what comes of it.


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## trim (Jul 19, 2013)

The Last 3 Years of my life has been that way man.  I know where you are at, and it sucks.  Only you know all the particulars to your relationship, and know if its worth holding on to or not.  I made the mistake of just sitting idle and letting life go on as a roomate type of situation and not really trying.  Weather its you or her, something big will happen (ie someone cheats) and then you wont have a choice anymore in how it all plays out.  If you still want her, now is the time to act.  Having a kid does change the the dynamic of a relationship, and thats where mine went wrong.  NO kid wants their parents to be apart, so If you think you can make it work, then make it work. I bet its not all you thats the problem, but some one has to change the way things are going. GoodLuck man


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## italian1 (Jul 19, 2013)

Hey boss.  Sounds like everyone is pretty much on the same page with this.  I too went through the same thing.  I remember having out first kid. Everyone was so happy, and I was like fuck now I'm really stuck here.  Honestly the thing that changed both of our lives completely around, was the crash of the economy.  Before that I bought absolutly anything for myself that I wanted.  Had everything.  When business fell apart I had a ton of debt, had to completely stop buying anything, and slowly, maybe over the course of two years or so, realized that no matter how much shit I bought, I eventually would find something else that I felt I needed.  Marriage is the same way.  It doesn't matter who the girl is, everything will be amazing for the first two years or so, then die out.  So even if you left her now, and messed up her life and your childs life for good, your gonna feel the same way with the next chick in the future.  For me, when shit fell apart, I was completely humbled, and was able to think and see much more clearly.  I realized that my marriage was a mess, because I was always washing my cars, and fishing on my boat, or golfing, or playing with somekind of toy.  I loved all of my shit, but didn't give any love to my wife, or kid.  Maybe you could even say I loved myself, but not them.  In the end, over the course of another couple of years-its a slow process- my life is completely turned around.  Before me and my wife didn't talk, I would come home from work and drink way too much, and find anything to do, but spend time in the house.  Now, as gay as it sounds, my wife is absolutly my best friend.  She went from a person that told me- don't ever expect me to make dinner when you come home, to a person that now wakes up at 5 am goes to the gym til 7.  Then comes home, makes my breakfast, and 5 meals to take with me to work, everysingle day 7 days a week.  She is there for me anytime I need her.  If I need sex 7 days a week, no problem.  Need help with anything, no problem.  I have to say I went from the very bottom, to the very top and have never been happier.  Just took me realizing that I was causing the tension because of my love for me.  Its gonna take time- years even- but it will turn around and you, your wife, and your child will all be better for it.


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## italian1 (Jul 19, 2013)

Shit almost a little choked up after re-reading my post.  lol  Good luck brother.


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## AlphaD (Jul 19, 2013)

Oh man, it is good to have brothers on here from all different experiences and histories that can provide some advice.   My two cents brother, is marriage is tough, and working to stay together is even tougher.  Hell now-a-days our world pushes the single parent establishment more then the married couple.  I got married to my first wife at 25,  and because of my selfishness and still sowing my wild oats, she left me after about 8 months, luckily no kids.  I spent the next 2 years after that chasing as much tail as I could, and really was growing unhappy with that game after awhile.  I have been married to wife now for 9 years, we have two kids, and although I go through periods of thinking I want change, it is just not worth it to me.  You work hard at your marriage, you put everything on the table, don't be selfish (not saying you are) and chase after a dream, when you have a reality to deal with in front of you.  If you brought your best, and she doesn't respond the same, then brother cross that bridge when the time comes.  We are all here for you.


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## #TheMatrix (Jul 19, 2013)

long post short.

talk to her about it.

I said this to mine "I feel like your room mate.  we just live together"  yes I was on tren.  yes I almost got divorced after I bit the forbiden fruit.  but it worked out.  were happier now.  it was my mistake.

we both worked  things out after sitting  and telling each  other how we felt.


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## Dtownry (Jul 19, 2013)

Ok bro here it goes...

I am divorced and yes at times it is nice. Other times I wish for the married life. But here is the bottom line.  No matter who you will be with or could be with it will always end the same, same feelings, same wants and needs etc.  Trust me I am there on the other side.  It is funny, lol now I fantasize about my ex-wife (who is a legitimate 11) and when I was with her I thought about other woman sometimes just like you.  Pussy is pussy and it is such a small factor in the big scheme of life, emotions, and well being.  You sound like you have an awesome life.  Be grateful for that and just live it buddy.  

Bro hold what ya got as old paratroopers say.  Change your thinking, give her your all and in time it will be reciprocated.  It may take a while bro but it is well worth it.


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## Assassin32 (Jul 19, 2013)

I think a lot of married couples experience what you are going through at one point in their marriage. So many people are too quick to pull the trigger on a divorce these days and end up make a difficult situation much worse and much more complicated. It can be very easy to fall into a rut when you've been together for a long time. Like a lot of the others have said, be spontaneous, do something romantic out of the blue. Make your wife feel like she's the most important thing in your world. For the sake of your child and your long term happiness, do everything in your power to make your marriage last and thrive. Family is the most important thing we have in this short time we spend on earth. Embrace the fact you are one of the lucky ones that has a beautiful wife and child. Not everybody gets that opportunity, so fight for it. As far as wanting other chicks goes....dude....come on....you're only human. Every man alive wants to bang other chicks. That's what internet porn is made for...married dudes.


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## JM750 (Jul 20, 2013)

I'm pretty much in this same situation. I just have a G/F and she don't know about it.


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## Bullseye Forever (Jul 20, 2013)

JM750 said:


> I'm pretty much in this same situation. I just have a G/F and she don't know about it.


this happens a lot brother....more than you think


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## jennerrator (Jul 20, 2013)

Bullseye Forever said:


> this happens a lot brother....more than you think



and takes care of certain issues for sure when you don't want out


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## italian1 (Jul 20, 2013)

...but like doubling down in Black Jack if you win ok your safe but if you lose-she ever finds out- you lose twice as bad.


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## JM750 (Jul 20, 2013)

Bullseye Forever said:


> this happens a lot brother....more than you think



We live a civil life. We do not sleep together. After kids, she became a very bitter person. Certainly not even close to the girl i married. All she does is Nag, Nag, Nag those kids! If I was to move out, we would have to sell the house and split the $$ so I can get myself something. I didn't want to do this to the kids. So I have a G/F on the side. I keep it on the side because I don't wanna throw it in her face sort of speak.
And I will tell you, that my G/F is very understanding of my situation. Believe me when I tell you, it is not that easy to find a girl that will go along with this...... But she does, and I'm very thankful for it!


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## BigGameHunter (Jul 21, 2013)

Start sleeping naked my friend,  smile,  and pay extra attention to her.  If Id done this I wouldnt be on my 3rd wife.

Wifey and I went through this a while back and bounced back stronger than ever.  I rented a nice hotel room and took her there (no kids) for a few days and we just got to know each other again.  She loved the attention.   Oh (dont laugh) Im currently on my 21st lesson of ballroom dancing instruction with the little woman.  Its like voodo Bro.  Master the enviornment.  Good luck CS.

Good luck and keep us posted.


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## #TheMatrix (Jul 21, 2013)

hey bgh.....
im secretly learning salsa.....


my wifes puerto rican.  


shhhhh.  its a surprise.


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## TR90125 (Jul 21, 2013)

What kind of discussion about this, if any, have you had with your wife?  

Have you ever had, or could you have any opportunities to spend some time apart, whether work related or whatever?  

I've been married 23 years and know EXACTLY what you are feeling.  My wife and I recently went through an extremely rough patch and had essentially resolved ourselves to the fact that it was over.  My biggest concern as I expressed it to her, was that she always felt like she was holding back emotionally, not just in the bedroom, but in general, and in the bedroom.

The day after we agreed to get divorced I was unable to sleep at all the next night and in the morning when she asked me about it I told her that I was convinced that the trauma of divorce would knock down her emotional walls and some douche would end up with the fully self-actualized version of my wife.  After hearing that she begged me for another chance and basically threw herself off an emotional and sexual cliff.  

As far as reigniting the spark, here are just a couple things to consider....

Meet ups - My wife and I try to get a hotel at least every 90 days or so.  Of the last 3 hotel nights, one of them we drove to a bar separately and pretended we were both cheating on our spouses.  It was a little awkward at first, but the sex was off the hook.  I should add, the "cheating on your spouses" theme is optional.  We texted each other using our alter egos for a couple days before.  It was hot.

Time apart always does a marriage good.  Some folks just aren't in that situation.  My wife left for vacation with my daughter July 1st and won't be home until next Thursday, and yeah I miss her.   



Remove limits - if you have any boundaries or limits in the bedroom, consider eliminating them.  

Let your wife be your girlfriend/mistress whatever.  If you fantasize about other women, what do you think about?  Do that to your wife.....

It is rare for a day to go by without receiving a dirty text from my wife, in some cases photos and or videos included.  

For us, the trauma of actually agreeing to get divorced shocked us into a whole different dimension in our marriage.  The key was open and honest communication.  I know that sounds corny, but I did not hold back on how I felt and she ended up revealing some stuff that, although hurt to hear, gave me a whole new perspective on who she is.


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## Cobra Strike (Aug 6, 2013)

long story short....its divorce


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## Azog (Aug 6, 2013)

I am sorry to hear that bro. I am sure things will only get better though, so what is there really to be sorry about? Two of my bros are likely headed down the same road. I say once all the papers are inked, we all head to Vegas and get nasty. Not with each other or anything...no homo?


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## TR90125 (Aug 7, 2013)

Sorry to hear.   Keep us posted


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## DF (Aug 7, 2013)

Sorry to hear Cobra.  A lot of us guys have been through it though & we are here for support.


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## R1rider (Aug 7, 2013)

Sorry to hear Cobra. I wish you and your family all the best

however bad the situation, i can tell you that good times are ahead for you brother


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## jennerrator (Aug 7, 2013)

Cobra Strike said:


> long story short....its divorce



sorry to hear it, but I'm sure it's for the best...take care of you


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