# You guys EVER get turned down by ur significant other?



## j2048b (Sep 4, 2012)

Alrighty let me paint a picture of a happy marriage,

Me: hey babe lets get it on, (all the while, all day long kissing her, smacking her ass, telling her she looks great ect....)

Her:  EARLIER IN THE DAY, (oh this is awesome, see this is how it should always be)

Later that night:

Me: naked, waiting ect...
Her: oh im too tired, or some other stupid excuse lile we just did it yeaterday or the day before, or its not saturday! Fuck REALLLYYYY? 

I do work a different shift than her, but if its NOT SATURDAY, and she isnt turning me down making my fucking ego that much fucking stronger, which does not happen, then i just might get some lovens from the wife,

Wow isnt marriage fucking wonderful? Or did i just marry the wrong woman?

Isnt it sad that one thinks they just might be happier divorced? I know divorce sucks, gotta pay gotta bow down to her, lucky to see ur kids, but FUCK IM TO THAT FUCKING POINT! Im not sure my fucking wrists can take this much abuse anymore! Im almost 35 and started whn i was 15, so u do the math on how often i work my forearms! 

And yes weve talked about it, and for like a week or so its great, maybe she just doesnt like me anymore? Dunno? Almost to the point that i dont care anymore!

Sorry just had to rant and have no other comfortable place to do it!


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## Shane1974 (Sep 4, 2012)

j2048b said:


> Alrighty let me paint a picture of a happy marriage,
> 
> Me: hey babe lets get it on, (all the while, all day long kissing her, smacking her ass, telling her she looks great ect....)
> 
> ...



Alright, bro.....here's the deal. Marriage takes work. You get out of it what you put into it. If you don't put much into it, you don't get much out of it. You are right....us guys judge how well our marriage is going by the amount of pussy we are getting; women don't think like that, bro. I have found the more I sacrifice in my marriage, the more I get what I really want. When I do things that I would rather not do, like communicate, give up Texas Hold' em night, respect and support decisions she makes, trust her judgement, and not control everything, I get all kinds of pussy. When I put hold 'em first, work first, don't trust her, and try to control every situation....my fist gets pretty busy. My marriage certainly isn't perfect, but most days it is pretty damn good. And that, my friend, is because my wife and I have had to work hard to keep it going good. Hang in there. I don't know any marriage without it's fair share of struggles. And besides, how can you appreciate the sunshine if you have never been through the rain?


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## Four1Thr33 (Sep 4, 2012)

Pretty good response
My marriage was horrible, so I divorced her cheating ass and started dating someone else's wife lol


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## Yaya (Sep 4, 2012)

Never .........no


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## sfstud33 (Sep 4, 2012)

My marriage has been both really bad, and really awesome. Currently its in the really awesome category.

Women want to feel that you want them for more than sex. They dont mind if you want them for sex, but it can't be the only thing you want them for. I find i have to do a bunch of things i hate to keep our relationship good. Like talking about feelings, the kids, our life etc. Women also want to feel that you are attentive. So make sure that if your wife has asked you to do things like fix this or make sure the toilet flushes properly then do it. If she wants something painted, patched or cleaned then make sure it gets done.

I got sex twice yesterday. Firstly in the morning, and then at about 2:30 after collecting up the kids and dropping them off at the local mall for a few hours. Without the kids around my wife is able to unwind and not worry about them walking in on us.  I almost got it again at bed time, but she was tired and i had no beef with that. Id gotten what i wanted twice already, so letting it slide was not an issue. 

Try taking your wife on a date night, a dinner, a romantic movie (hint, Expendables 2 is not a romantic comedy), the theater. If you have kids, arrange someone to watch them. 

Then there is the little things. Bring home some nice chocolates, flowers, or whatever else your wife likes. Mine loves turkish delight, so thats what i buy her. 

Hope you have better luck tonight!


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## PillarofBalance (Sep 4, 2012)

Four1Thr33 said:


> Pretty good response
> My marriage was horrible, so I divorced her cheating ass and started dating someone else's wife lol



Me too and now we're engaged lol


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## PillarofBalance (Sep 4, 2012)

j2048b said:


> Alrighty let me paint a picture of a happy marriage,
> 
> Me: hey babe lets get it on, (all the while, all day long kissing her, smacking her ass, telling her she looks great ect....)
> 
> ...



You're blowing it out of proportion. You mentioned ego. It revolves around that. Shrink it.  The problem isn't her turning you down. The problem is your reaction to it is that it means she doesn't love you.

Difference between men and women is men need sex to feel loved and women need to feel loved to have sex.  

Keep those points in mind, and stop having fantasies in your head that your marraige is awful cause she doesn't want to fuck every day. Thats not a reasonable expectation from a woman thats not on var.


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## Get Some (Sep 4, 2012)

If you have something to offer that is desirable, then you can never get turned down. If it doesn't happen, then that other person is just missing out. That's how I've lived my whole life and have not regretted it. If you want something it will come to you.... and if you're enough of a badass, even stuff you dont' want will come to you, lol


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## RowdyBrad (Sep 4, 2012)

I get turned down often, no big deal and it happens with 5 kids at home.

If you're on cycle it might fuck with you some, I started cruising facebook and thinking all kinds of thoughts about getting my own place with my own space, being single and fucking sluts left and right.

Between the wife making me leave for a day and stopping my cycle early I realised how stupid it was, now have no thoughts like that and will recognize that in the future.

I let my new ego and the "alpha" take over too much. If you don't have sex or she is too tired, have her help you take care of it, but be ready to do the same.


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## milleniumgirl (Sep 4, 2012)

Marriage = habit and habit isn't good. Means no more wild sex ....


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## Get Some (Sep 4, 2012)

millgirl said:


> Marriage = habit and habit isn't good. Means no more *wild sex* ....



I accept your offer


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## transcend2007 (Sep 4, 2012)

I agree with much of what has been stated above.  However, (and I am no expert as I'm on my 2nd marriage) it has been my experience that there is a substantial sexual desire mismatch between most men and most women.

IMO men enter into a relationship because they are initially offered as much sex as they want.  However, a woman primarily enters into a relationship for security.  Once married and security appears achieved many women do not continue providing the same sexual output.  Thus the man (I have certainly felt this way) feels that there has been a bait and switch.  What the fuck happened.  I am 100% committed and now you are withholding sex.  LOL  It happens.  Part of becoming a mature man is learning how to deal with this situation.

Of course, it is the responsibility of men to keep romance alive.  However, I have come to realize that men must cope with the sexual desire mismatch as it is part of any long term monogamous relationship or there will very likely be substantial resentment at some point which I believe you are experiencing now.


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## Get Some (Sep 4, 2012)

transcend2007 said:


> I agree with much of what has been stated above.  However, (and I am no expert as I'm on my 2nd marriage) it has been my experience that there is a substantial sexual desire mismatch between most men and most women.
> 
> IMO men enter into a relationship because they are initially offered as much sex as they want.  However, a woman primarily enters into a relationship for security.  Once married and security appears achieved many women do not continue providing the same sexual output.  Thus the man (I have certainly felt this way) feels that there has been a bait and switch.  What the fuck happened.  I am 100% committed and now you are withholding sex.  LOL  It happens.  *Part of becoming a mature man is learning how to deal with this situation.*
> Of course, it is the responsibility of men to keep romance alive.  However, I have come to realize that men must cope with the sexual desire mismatch as it is part of any long term monogamous relationship or there will very likely be substantial resentment at some point which I believe you are experiencing now.




2 ambien, 30 minutes, and a bottle of lube.... 60% of the time, it works everytime


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## 63Vette (Sep 4, 2012)

I have never been turned down. I have heard guys talk about not getting any but I figured it was cover so we wouldn't know what a freak their wife was. 

Women are every bit as sex crazed as men.... keep it fresh, right and tight and get freaky now and again.... pound it like you stole it. 

Nope-  never been turned down by my wife.

Happiness is a horny wife/girlfriend. Put her on Var. >


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## j2048b (Sep 4, 2012)

thanks for all the replys and help, just to name a few:

i do not jump when she says jump, i do shit on my own time, and maybe thats a problem, but even when i do things to make her feel loved, appreciated and happy, its all for nothing, because eventually it leads to us fighting, and it blows!

we use to actually have sex normally, and for the last few years she has had no sex drive at all, doesnt intigate it, never asks for it, doesnt even dress to impress unless she is going to work, hell she looks nicer going to work then she even tries for me anymore, if i want anything its on me, yeah thats fun at 1230 am "hey wake up lets do it"  she use to actually have a sex drive and would actually drag me to the bedroom, and thats if she will even do anything, i know shes tired, but fuck when u get it as less as i do, i want to make up for lost time...

and u guys are right it cant be about sex, but when u rarely get it any more and ur left to jack off in the shower while she is lying in bed? really i mean come on... sex actually has a lot to do with a healthy marriage, and thats a fact...

oh well cant win them all, i guess ill just have to quit trying to make love to her, and shit like that and just focus on me, got my squat rack set up, spongy and helios as soon as i fill out his questionaire, and its about me and making me healthy and happy, once i get my six pack back and the other woman want me, maybe she will change her ways... if not its not hard to find a gf who actually likes me for me!

thanks guys, i will re read some of your posts and make some changes, but it sucks when u are the one ALWAYS making changes and the other one stays the same... all the freaking time and weve been togather like 8 or 9 years and married for like 7 oh well


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## j2048b (Sep 4, 2012)

63Vette said:


> I have never been turned down. I have heard guys talk about not getting any but I figured it was cover so we wouldn't know what a freak their wife was.
> 
> Women are every bit as sex crazed as men.... keep it fresh, right and tight and get freaky now and again.... pound it lime you stole it.
> 
> Nope-  never been turned down by my wife.



well ur in the lucky class then... my wife use to enjoy everything and be fun, now its her nick name saow (sour ass old woman)


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## 63Vette (Sep 4, 2012)

I agree brother, my wife thinks I hung the moon. I am extremely lucky. You should see her, she's a head turner. I don't want to be the one to say it but bro, she's not in love...are you?

By the way, I am 54 my wife is 37 and she is my third wife.


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## sfstud33 (Sep 4, 2012)

I would have to say that from what you are describing, it may be that the sex is actually a symptom of a bigger problem. Your wife may be detaching from you because she does not want to feel hurt by your seeming insensitivity. I know its a load of hogwash - but you gotta run with it. 

I would suggest that you find the names of several good marriage counselors in your area. Then, once you have a few names organized, talk to your wife and tell her that you dont feel that your relationship is as good as it could be, and that you would like to see a professional to see what you can do to have the relationship of your dreams. Tell her its about making sure that every day married is as good as it possibly can be, and that if you or both of you have fallen into bad behavior patterns then a counselor will be able to see that and help.

And, surprise her on the way home. Pick her up something that she likes and DONT ask for sex today. Take care of it in the bathroom if you have to.  Make sure she understands that you purchased a little gift because you love her, not because your horny tonight.  Rinse and repeat a few times and she will nail you once she understands that your gifts don't come with sexual strings.


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## coltmc4545 (Sep 4, 2012)

It has nothing to do with marriage or specifically your wife. I've been going through this with my girlfriend for about a year. We've talked about it alot. It could be that she's tired, stressed, feels unimportant. Could be hormone imbalance. It could be numerous things. Like POB said, men base love on how much sex we have with our woman. Women base sex on how much love and attention they get from thier man. There's been plenty of times that I go above and beyond and do all the things she says gets her in the mood and she still doesn't feel like it. Most women aren't like men when it comes to sex. They don't just have a switch that gets turned on by saying hey let's fuck. I say most because there are some that do. I've dated plenty of them, been married to one, and every one of those relationships failed because really all they were were based on sex. My girls hot as fuck and I'd smash her all day everyday if I could but we also have more then just a sexual relationship. Trust me, I feel your pain bro but what it comes down to is what's more important, getting your dick wet whenever you want or being with a good woman that you love and loves you back? My girls my best friend and I wouldn't give that up for a piece of ass. It sucks even more on cycle but if you stop putting so much importance on it, it won't matter as much. Sex is very important in a relationship but unless you're not getting it at all like ever then don't let it get to you. Oh and I'm 30 and she's 31 so it's not like we're some dried up old hags that only fuck on my birthday. We used to have sex at LEAST once a day. Now it's about once a week, maybe twice if we're lucky. There's alot more important things in life then sex bro.


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## muscleink (Sep 4, 2012)

I turn my other down all the time. It's not my job to take care of ur baser animal instincts at any given moment


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## 69nites (Sep 4, 2012)

muscleink said:


> I turn my other down all the time. It's not my job to take care of ur baser animal instincts at any given moment


Given it's a Christian marriage it actually is. That road actually goes both ways.

Generally my girlfriends have higher sex drive than me.


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## Onlythebestwilldo (Sep 5, 2012)

I went down the counselling route with my girl friend of 7 years(now married 1year). I was going through some serious mental torture with the whole sex and the resentment was causing arguments to happen at least a few times a wk. Arguments would snow ball and get really out of had. 

So I suggested the counselling and we took 1 a wk for 10 wk. In the first session we got to tell each out what we were not happy with and what we wanted from the relationship. We gave each other a lot to think about and we barely spoke until the next session. In the 2nd session we started to feel closer  and we were able to understand each other needs so we both knew where to make the improvements. One of the most valuable points that was made. Was that you can't expect someone else to change for u, you can only change your self. 
The last session was about 15months ago(yes we were getting counselling on the run up to our wedding date) and I can say it really helped us.


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## muscleink (Sep 5, 2012)

"Given it's a Christian marriage it actually is. That road actually goes both ways.

Generally my girlfriends have higher sex drive than me."


LOL Christians
so did you stone her if she wasn't a virgin before you got married?


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## Live2Train (Sep 5, 2012)

coltmc4545 said:


> It has nothing to do with marriage or specifically your wife. I've been going through this with my girlfriend for about a year. We've talked about it alot. It could be that she's tired, stressed, feels unimportant. Could be hormone imbalance. It could be numerous things. Like POB said, men base love on how much sex we have with our woman. Women base sex on how much love and attention they get from thier man. There's been plenty of times that I go above and beyond and do all the things she says gets her in the mood and she still doesn't feel like it. Most women aren't like men when it comes to sex. They don't just have a switch that gets turned on by saying hey let's fuck. I say most because there are some that do. I've dated plenty of them, been married to one, and every one of those relationships failed because really all they were were based on sex. My girls hot as fuck and I'd smash her all day everyday if I could but we also have more then just a sexual relationship. Trust me, I feel your pain bro but what it comes down to is what's more important, getting your dick wet whenever you want or being with a good woman that you love and loves you back? My girls my best friend and I wouldn't give that up for a piece of ass. It sucks even more on cycle but if you stop putting so much importance on it, it won't matter as much. Sex is very important in a relationship but unless you're not getting it at all like ever then don't let it get to you. Oh and I'm 30 and she's 31 so it's not like we're some dried up old hags that only fuck on my birthday. We used to have sex at LEAST once a day. Now it's about once a week, maybe twice if we're lucky. There's alot more important things in life then sex bro.



Your relationship sounds exactly like my relationship Colt.  

To the OP, I agree with some of the other posts, her horomones could be out of whack, she might be under a lot of stress, she might not feel the same about the relationship that she did in the beginning, she might be seeing someone on the side, etc.  I hate to say that bro, but the way you make it sound there has to be a big underlying problem.  You say she gets all dolled up for work, is that a requirement of the job, or do you think she's doing it for someone?  I would take the advice from the guys who have been there and get some counseling and see if the relationship is salvagable or not.  Good luck my man!  Hopefully things turn out for you.  By the way, do you feel like this all the time or just when you're on cycle?


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## Bullseye Forever (Sep 5, 2012)

Right now.....I'll just say my marriage isnt going well


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## 69nites (Sep 5, 2012)

muscleink said:


> "Given it's a Christian marriage it actually is. That road actually goes both ways.
> 
> Generally my girlfriends have higher sex drive than me."
> 
> ...



Hey I'm anti marriage and agnostic. I'm just saying in just about every religion there is sexual obligation.


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## j2048b (Sep 5, 2012)

Bullseye Forever said:


> Right now.....I'll just say my marriage isnt going well



Sorry to hear this bullseye! Hope it gets better, let us know if we can do anything for u in that regards? Advice? An ear to listen? Anything!


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## Bullseye Forever (Sep 5, 2012)

j2048b said:


> Sorry to hear this bullseye! Hope it gets better, let us know if we can do anything for u in that regards? Advice? An ear to listen? Anything!



thanks bud, sure will


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## sfstud33 (Sep 5, 2012)

Ok, did you do your homework? Did you buy your wife a gift and NOT ask for sex? Do this once or twice a week for the next month. Flowers, Chocolates, Glittery Earrings, whatever your wife likes that isn't going to break the bank. Becaise she is not in the mood for sex at the moment make sure you avoid lingerie - because that's more for you than her. There must be a laundry list of things she likes. Show her you are paying attention...

And never ask for sex when giving a gift. You will get nailed eventually. And the earlier you start, the quicker it will be!


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## j2048b (Sep 5, 2012)

sfstud33 said:


> Ok, did you do your homework? Did you buy your wife a gift and NOT ask for sex? Do this once or twice a week for the next month. Flowers, Chocolates, Glittery Earrings, whatever your wife likes that isn't going to break the bank. Becaise she is not in the mood for sex at the moment make sure you avoid lingerie - because that's more for you than her. There must be a laundry list of things she likes. Show her you are paying attention...
> 
> And never ask for sex when giving a gift. You will get nailed eventually. And the earlier you start, the quicker it will be!



man i will today, i work at night and have no way of doing that! plus we very rarely have sex during the week, like i said if its not on a Saturday night, then oh well, i get nothing, we wont be doing anything for a while anyways


but something that i was fucking pissed about yesterday and still am is i texted her and asked if she was even still in love with me, she texts back and said :

seriously? why r u getting all womanly on me? i think we need to take a look and see who has balls between their legs! 

this is not like her, she has never acted like this, yeah i think within the next year we will be divorced, and i truly, truly believe she doesn't care, we have both said if we did not have kids then we wouldnt be together,


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## sfstud33 (Sep 5, 2012)

She may be emotionally checking out on you. It happens when women feel they have been let down or taken for granted for too long. I know, ive been there. We nearly got divorced only a year ago. But then we were able to turn it around and this year has been the best year of our entire 23 years married. So you can do it. And your wife is waiting to see what you do - whether you want to fight for it - or not. If she is figuring you are in the "or not" category, then she is probably also going to be in the same place, because she does not want to risk reconnecting with you only to get hurt again. 

The quicker you start doing some attentive things, the quicker your relationship will improve. Women love to be wooed. Nothing sappy, but show her you are paying attention. If she is cooking for you, tell her you liked the meal - even if you didnt. If she is keeping home for you then tell her you love the way everything looks. Ask her if she has lost weight because she is looking very trim. 

Put it this way. Even if you do get divorced in the next 12 months - so what. Wouldnt you want to put in the best effort possible so that you can honestly say you gave it everything you had. As a man you should be comfortable that you have pursued your wife to the utmost of your abilities. If she rejects you after 12 months of you trying your hardest then that is her loss. 

You will also learn some very good skills that you can transfer into your next relationship. Even if you guys separate, would you not want to use the time you have to learn and practice new skills that can be used on any woman in the future? Get yourself into good habits - because thats a skill that will pay huge dividends in the future...

To give you an example, today i called my wife in the car and told her to meet me for lunch at the local Indian Restaurant for a buffet meal. She's now feeling that i want to spend time with her, and she is feeling that she got an opportunity to connect with me during the day. I dont know what your schedule looks like, but if you can do things like that, it will help a lot.


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## Live2Train (Sep 5, 2012)

j2048b said:


> man i will today, i work at night and have no way of doing that! plus we very rarely have sex during the week, like i said if its not on a Saturday night, then oh well, i get nothing, we wont be doing anything for a while anyways
> 
> 
> but something that i was fucking pissed about yesterday and still am is i texted her and asked if she was even still in love with me, she texts back and said :
> ...



Damn bro, I feel for you man.  That would crush me if I was trying everything and my wife said that.  I know we sound like pussies to some, but we have hearts too bro and that's just not right what she said.  I hope things work out, but if not, just know they will work out for you in the long run.  With that kind of attitude she will wind up very lonely.


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## Patriot1405 (Sep 5, 2012)

Shane1974 said:


> Alright, bro.....here's the deal. Marriage takes work. You get out of it what you put into it. If you don't put much into it, you don't get much out of it. You are right....us guys judge how well our marriage is going by the amount of pussy we are getting; women don't think like that, bro. I have found the more I sacrifice in my marriage, the more I get what I really want. When I do things that I would rather not do, like communicate, give up Texas Hold' em night, respect and support decisions she makes, trust her judgement, and not control everything, I get all kinds of pussy. When I put hold 'em first, work first, don't trust her, and try to control every situation....my fist gets pretty busy. My marriage certainly isn't perfect, but most days it is pretty damn good. And that, my friend, is because my wife and I have had to work hard to keep it going good. Hang in there. I don't know any marriage without it's fair share of struggles. And besides, how can you appreciate the sunshine if you have never been through the rain?



100% agree!! Couldn't have said it better!!  I'm with my wife 30 years, married 26 years. I was fortunate enough to realize what Shane was talking about at a young age, and I truly believe its what makes some marriages last forever! Mutual respect!! Great post Shane!!


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## j2048b (Sep 5, 2012)

Well bought her some flowers and we will see how it goes?


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## corvettels3 (Sep 5, 2012)

Get Some said:


> 2 ambien, 30 minutes, and a bottle of lube.... 60% of the time, it works everytime



damn, thats sounds like date rape..


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## corvettels3 (Sep 5, 2012)

Shane1974 said:


> Alright, bro.....here's the deal. Marriage takes work. You get out of it what you put into it. If you don't put much into it, you don't get much out of it. You are right....us guys judge how well our marriage is going by the amount of pussy we are getting; women don't think like that, bro. I have found the more I sacrifice in my marriage, the more I get what I really want. When I do things that I would rather not do, like communicate, give up Texas Hold' em night, respect and support decisions she makes, trust her judgement, and not control everything, I get all kinds of pussy. When I put hold 'em first, work first, don't trust her, and try to control every situation....my fist gets pretty busy. My marriage certainly isn't perfect, but most days it is pretty damn good. And that, my friend, is because my wife and I have had to work hard to keep it going good. Hang in there. I don't know any marriage without it's fair share of struggles. And besides, how can you appreciate the sunshine if you have never been through the rain?



Agree 100%.. When your woman tells you about her day just listen. Don't give your advice or opinion just listen to her vent. Let her know that you agree and support her..


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## gymrat827 (Sep 5, 2012)

PillarofBalance said:


> Difference between men and women is men need sex to feel loved and women need to feel loved to have sex.
> 
> .



this is very very true sir.  totally agree.


im not even married yet, but have been with her almost 4yrs and living together for 2.5yrs.  So knows how i am.  if it gets to the 3 day point she knows things cant wait any longer.  so shes very aware that im not going to leave her alone til the pants come off.  and there is a common understanding.

she can tell me no one night but the next its game on, for sure, no question about it.  last, she knows how i am on cycle too, so there isnt any issue for the most part.  but shit, the amount of money of mine she spends "rape" shouldnt exist.


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## Shane1974 (Sep 5, 2012)

63Vette said:


> I have never been turned down. I have heard guys talk about not getting any but I figured it was cover so we wouldn't know what a freak their wife was.
> 
> Women are every bit as sex crazed as men.... keep it fresh, right and tight and get freaky now and again.... pound it like you stole it.
> 
> ...



How long you been married, bro?


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## Shane1974 (Sep 5, 2012)

millgirl said:


> Marriage = habit and habit isn't good. Means no more wild sex ....



Hmmm... you sure about that?


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## Jada (Sep 6, 2012)

Hi alot of great advice was given ! What I can tell u is I've been with my wife for 13 yrs and I'm only 31! We been married for 7 yrs with two kids . We have had our ups and downs but at the end I feel there isn't a problem that can't be fixed unless ur wife cheats and u and gets prego by another guy and u stick around which a person I know did and I think he is nuts. If u love ur wife then u need to fight for ur relationship. I mean let's keep it 100 new pussy is always good but at the end u have ur wife at home who is clean and loves u , I've had my time when I had to holla at her at tell her hey y is it that I always start.  No women is perfect and what ever women u get she is always comes with something that u don't like. Like a example I have a working wife, great mother , loves me to death but she's not a freak in bed. So what in gonna do get a freak , no work with what I have and accept the way she is.


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## SFGiants (Sep 6, 2012)

Never, I'm the one that need the break as I do a lot of the work and sexually spoil them too much. They get pissed if they don't get some!

I have yet to find one that can rock me they tell me they feel indicate and feel like they are learning all over again and claim I'm too in-control over the situation in a good way. 

Pisses me off not to get a rest lol at times!


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## j2048b (Sep 6, 2012)

sfstud33 said:


> She may be emotionally checking out on you. It happens when women feel they have been let down or taken for granted for too long. I know, ive been there. We nearly got divorced only a year ago. But then we were able to turn it around and this year has been the best year of our entire 23 years married. So you can do it. And your wife is waiting to see what you do - whether you want to fight for it - or not. If she is figuring you are in the "or not" category, then she is probably also going to be in the same place, because she does not want to risk reconnecting with you only to get hurt again.
> 
> The quicker you start doing some attentive things, the quicker your relationship will improve. Women love to be wooed. Nothing sappy, but show her you are paying attention. If she is cooking for you, tell her you liked the meal - even if you didnt. If she is keeping home for you then tell her you love the way everything looks. Ask her if she has lost weight because she is looking very trim.
> 
> ...



thanks for all ur advice, it is good to hear us guys arent all hardcore that we cant talk about this sort of shit, 

yeah man its just fucking disheartening that i feel this shitty, today i took her flowers at work, which she loved, but what was odd, was i told her this is how i act when my test levels drop too low, (because i was pissed when she turned me down the other night and i had to jack off in the shower while she laid in bed wow fucking awesome and i should be happy?))) and give her flowers for this? but i did and she loved them, 

and she said well maybe ur test levels are too high, at a 377 the last time i checked!!  referring to the fact that i still want to have a ton of sex with her after being married for 6-7 years? IM SORRY i did not know it was a crime to still want ur wife? 

sorry man but this is getting tuff to get over, im trying but fuck really? its my fault? but isnt it always?


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## j2048b (Sep 6, 2012)

Live2Train said:


> Damn bro, I feel for you man.  That would crush me if I was trying everything and my wife said that.  I know we sound like pussies to some, but we have hearts too bro and that's just not right what she said.  I hope things work out, but if not, just know they will work out for you in the long run.  With that kind of attitude she will wind up very lonely.



thanks man, appreciate the comments, yeah im really feeling like fucking shit about this whole thing, wow really im ur husband and ur gonna say shit like this to me? like im made of stone and supposed to be ur best friend as well as ur husband, and be the head of a household wow, yeah i cant dwell on it because im just getting pissed again, but this one.... this one will stay with me for a while!


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## sfstud33 (Sep 6, 2012)

There is always going to be a mismatch between the amount of sex each partner wants. But in any healthy relationship you should be able to talk about these things and both parties can compromise. I dont see any problem with at least once or twice a week - there is nothing over the top about that. So if your wife does not want to get you off at a minimum of once a week, then that is unfair - and you have every right to say so. 

The other thing - if you are not getting sex now, then how would your wife feel if you started sleeping with other women just for sex? I'll bet she will hate the idea of it. And that is the real risk she runs. That she is pushing her man into the arms of another woman because she is showing him that she does not want him. 

I would keep working on the small gifts and things - maybe calling her up and asking if you can have lunch, or breakfast or whatever works for your schedule, and keep NOT asking for sex on those days. And you might want to wait a few days before talking about sex and then on Saturday have a real conversation with your wife where you talk about the state of your sexual relationship. Ask her why she feels that she does not want to have sex. There must be a reason. Is she afraid to connect to you because she does not want to get hurt again, is she "punishing" you for something you've done? If you get through all that and her answer is that she just does not want it, then i would suggest a compromise. she gets you off once or twice a week and you dont ask for it more than that. 

Finally, if you do agree on scheduled sex - then on those days invest a little something in your wife and show her you love her with a trinket or something. Gifts a re a great non verbal communication tool. If your wife is not motivated by gifts, then try non sexual massages, or whatever it is you know your wife likes. Perhaps you should make sure that every saturday you drop the kids off somewhere, have dinner, go home for sex and then pick up the kids?

Anyway, just thoughts. I do encourage you to talk it thru and communicate that you would like sex daily, but you understand she is busy and sometimes tired, and so you will be happy if it is at least weekly.


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## j2048b (Sep 6, 2012)

sfstud33 said:


> There is always going to be a mismatch between the amount of sex each partner wants. But in any healthy relationship you should be able to talk about these things and both parties can compromise. I dont see any problem with at least once or twice a week - there is nothing over the top about that. So if your wife does not want to get you off at a minimum of once a week, then that is unfair - and you have every right to say so.
> 
> The other thing - if you are not getting sex now, then how would your wife feel if you started sleeping with other women just for sex? I'll bet she will hate the idea of it. And that is the real risk she runs. That she is pushing her man into the arms of another woman because she is showing him that she does not want him.
> 
> ...



thanks man, i appreciate what u have told me, one note i can say is that she has told me her libido is way low, and we have argued in the past because she will not instigate sex with me any more at all, wont wear nice sexy clothes, and it is very disheartening to me, and makes me feel like shit, like maybe im not providing something for her? 

all i know is that she is busy as hell every day and i need to do something for her on saturday or something that allows her to relax, but on the same note, alot of what is going on makes guys automatically jump to the thinking that she might be interested in someone else, or something stupid, but its how us guys think, 

weve tried to agree on the schedule, but its always her who ends up throwing a wrench into it, dunno what todo in that case? i did suggest a few minutes ago that we go to counseling and of course she ended up not having time to answer me, so only time will tell....


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## sfstud33 (Sep 6, 2012)

If you agreed on a schedule, and she is flaking out then that is not fair. Ask her, how would she feel if you flaked out on things that are important to her? If your schedule is one two days a week, then make sure she understands that it is important to you and to the health of your relationship to stick to it. Let her know that it might not be important for her, but that it is very important for you. Communicate that you can not feel happy knowing that something that is very important to you is not getting resolved - that you are being ignored, and that does not make your desire for sex go away.

Usually when libido for women is low, its because of either hormones, or a million things they have crammed into their lives so tightly that there is no space for them to unwind. Have you considered a romantic getaway for a day and a night at a nice hotel? See how your wife reacts when you take her out of her normal setting - it may free her up.

Im afraid that you might have to start treating your wife like a bit of a science experiment until you find the things that help her feel more romantic. Still - thats not a bad problem to have. Us guys tend to get comfortable very quickly - and you may find some awesome activities, gifts, and ways to say I Love You that she had never considered. 

BTW, the flowers were a very good start. Now follow it up with some trinket or treat that you know she will like. She must have some favorites? Make sure it happens today or tomorrow - even if you dont feel like doing it.


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## j2048b (Sep 6, 2012)

sfstud33 said:


> If you agreed on a schedule, and she is flaking out then that is not fair. Ask her, how would she feel if you flaked out on things that are important to her? If your schedule is one two days a week, then make sure she understands that it is important to you and to the health of your relationship to stick to it. Let her know that it might not be important for her, but that it is very important for you. Communicate that you can not feel happy knowing that something that is very important to you is not getting resolved - that you are being ignored, and that does not make your desire for sex go away.
> 
> Usually when libido for women is low, its because of either hormones, or a million things they have crammed into their lives so tightly that there is no space for them to unwind. Have you considered a romantic getaway for a day and a night at a nice hotel? See how your wife reacts when you take her out of her normal setting - it may free her up.
> 
> ...



you know its funny she just agreed that we should go to counseling, but also says we need to start spending more time together and go on dates???? i work a different shift than her, and EVERY TIME IVE ASKED HER IF SHE WANTED TO GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING AND DROP THE KIDS OFF WITH THE IN LAWS SHE HAS SAID NO!! 

she wont leave our kids anywhere, let alone go somewhere for the night, im fucked, either way, i just need to go to counseling so she can finally open up and explain what the fucking issues are that suddenly reared their heads,


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## sfstud33 (Sep 6, 2012)

ok, this is interesting. 

Counselling is definitely a good idea. Even if you just go for a short stint like 10 weeks, i think you will find it HUGELY beneficial - because everything that is wrong with your relationship is caused by the both of you and in particular your communication, or lack there off. So get that organized pronto. Its well worth it and you can bring up the sex issue to the counselor. If the counselor tries to put you off or say you shouldnt be demanding then find another counselor - Indeed i would pre-interview them so that you can be assured of getting one who thinks sex is necessary for a marriage.

Ok, with that out the way...

My wife hated leaving our kids with people, and she hated having strange people come into the house to babysit. We ended up with just a few very close people that we were able to use. Now what i see in your reply is conflict - she wants to spend time together and go out, but doesnt follow through. Does she feel you are being half assed in your request?   If you had tickets to a show, your wife would want to go right? And she is less likely to have an issue with the kids being watched. If your parents will watch the kids then make those arrangements and take your wife out to dinner and a great show.

You can book the show and tell your wife you have the (NON REFUNDABLE) tickets (if she is the type that hates wasting money!!)  for a show on Saturday. Tell her you've organized for the kids to sleep over at Grannies house, and then take your wife out on the town. 

If your wife refuses to go, then i would tell her that you are upset that she is putting her need to control the kids environment and be a mommy ahead of you. This is something women tend to do - make the children the highest value family member. And that is not ok. The most important person in the family is your spouse. Spouses come before kids.  I would bring up the issue of your wife not following through on date nights to your marriage councelor so that you can get guidance. If your wife hears from other people that her viewpoint is unreasonable then there is a better chance she will adjust it. 

And in the mean time - why not try to organize a quick dinner with some coverage for the kids? Perhaps Saturday night, dinner somewhere she will like, and the kids being babysat at home (or even better somewhere else). If you drop the kids off and they can spend the night at Grannies that would be awesome!


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## j2048b (Sep 7, 2012)

sfstud33 said:


> ok, this is interesting.
> 
> Counselling is definitely a good idea. Even if you just go for a short stint like 10 weeks, i think you will find it HUGELY beneficial - because everything that is wrong with your relationship is caused by the both of you and in particular your communication, or lack there off. So get that organized pronto. Its well worth it and you can bring up the sex issue to the counselor. If the counselor tries to put you off or say you shouldnt be demanding then find another counselor - Indeed i would pre-interview them so that you can be assured of getting one who thinks sex is necessary for a marriage.
> 
> ...



man what u say is awesome and a lot of what i will bring up in counseling because she DOES PUT THE KIDS BEFORE ME! and ive explained it to here and showed her studies and articles showing that couples need to put them first to make their marriage work! 

i came home early last night so we could talk, and hang out, it was nice, and she loved it, no sex, could have if i hadnt told the boy he could crash in our room, but i wanted to show her it wasnt a priority like us spending quality time together! 

she had already said she wants to go out saturday night, so i am working ot, for half the scheduled 12 hours and going home to shower then off to a movie and dinner hopefully! 

she told me everything will be fine, but i need to realize she is tired and worn out, and i understand all this but sex is a part of a healthy relationship, and since her libido is non existant anymore she agreed and promissed to bring it up to the doctor and see if maybe she can get something!! so we will move in a good direction for a few weeks or a month then right back to where it is now because thats what happens, and has always happend,

but ur advice is great and i really appreciate all of it, as ive deployed some of it, again...

thanks stud33!


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## sfstud33 (Sep 7, 2012)

Dude this is awesome.

Dinner and a movie will be a great step in the right direction! (A couple of tickets to Riverdance would also guarantee you sex).

It sounds like your wife is feeling overwhelmed and too busy. And women will focus everything on the kids all to easily. I've been there.  But, it also sounds like she is becoming aware that she has been freezing you out. That is a very good step in the right direction. You cant fix a problem until you acknowledge it exists.

Hope everything goes good over the weekend!

And set a date to see a counselor - dont let it become a tomorrow never comes thing. Your wife needs to see that you are serious about it.


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## PureDope (Sep 7, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Good stuff in here ^ even if you're not a "nice guy".


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