# Any polite way to motivate better half into trying to self improve?



## IHI (Oct 28, 2017)

Right up front, ive broached this topic a few times in the past and im just too blunt; life problem since i just say shit without sugar coating; but its always turned into a huge fight.

wife and I in our early 40’s, so age catching up but ive been training for years and eating better than i have in last 20 prior years trying to look good for myself but also be somebody my wife can be proud of around friends as their hubbies all have turned into the big beer belly body types. Wife, and shes is busy being a wife but esspecially a mother, she had graves disease that wasnt caught in time and did some damage to her looks; but they killed off her thyroid and she has to take pills daily, so her metabolism is shit. The problem, she eats and buys groceries (save for my list of food) like a 9yr old with a creeit card

i simply cant convince her we’re older and cant eat cream cheese on everything, munch on chips/dips, cookies, pop tarts, eat pizza twice a week, spaghetti, toast/jelly for munchies, etc....it makes me sad and does piss me off because i can see her inflate by the month it seems like. Yeah yeah, im a superficial azzhole and should be happy shes a great wife/mom- but damn, men are visual, she was beautiful when we dated, got married and i was proud to have her on my arm...nowadays not so much.

i know she wont change until she wants to change, had her working out with me in the a.m. for a few weeks and she told me **** this, i cant do this morning stuff. Then evenings are hectic with the kids, sports, errands, games...so hard to get her in a after work routine since weeks vary so much. 

So how can a man cleanly approach the “you’ve gone off the deep end letting yourself go” and not cause a 2hr argument that she’ll drum up anything upto 20yrs ago to bring up


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## Itburnstopee (Oct 28, 2017)

Tell her you care about her and explain how she's heading down an unhealthy route.


i mean you could make sure she sees you checking out fit and younger chicks too just to make sure it clicks.

edit: don't say you want an attractive woman, show


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## BRICKS (Oct 28, 2017)

Maybe the first part of this^^^^, maybe.  Second part of this ^^^^^ fkn do not do.  

You can explain it to her from a health standpoint, but it's a tough one.  My ex was that way, no motivation for that whatsoever.  Note I said ex.  Not the reason we got divorced ultimately, but always bothered me.  Either she's  gonna want to do it for herself or not.


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## IHI (Oct 28, 2017)

Going to see doc tuesday to get referred to a dietitian, i got food allergies that makes things interesting to eat, so my devil mind is thinking if i can bamboozle this gal to do a meal program to benefit my lifting goals/fat loss goals....if it dont work out like i plan, nothing loss, but i tried. Am wondering if itd be good to force wife to go with me, maybe get her on board listening to a dietitian talk about meals/calories/macro/micros and how bad eating shit as 90% of your daily intake can be


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## JuiceTrain (Oct 28, 2017)

Thats a tough one man;
Had a similar situation with an ex, she wanted to start working out and get her pre-mom bod back which i was more than happy to help but it was all talk. She started off by saying call me in th a.m. so she could get up and go to the gym (which was in her complex, like a 2min walk down the hall) long story short.....excuse after excuse

Than i took a 30min drive to her house early in the morning to go to the gym with her which resulted in me getting yelled at and hearing a bunch of excuses on how she's gotta get ready for work, get her kid situated, and blah blah blah lol 

I guess what I'm trynna say is women are only gonna do what they want when they want even if it's against the betterment of their own health.


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## IHI (Oct 28, 2017)

BRICKS said:


> Maybe the first part of this^^^^, maybe.  Second part of this ^^^^^ fkn do not do.
> 
> You can explain it to her from a health standpoint, but it's a tough one.  My ex was that way, no motivation for that whatsoever.  Note I said ex.  Not the reason we got divorced ultimately, but always bothered me.  Either she's  gonna want to do it for herself or not.



i hear ya, my mouth dropped one night that turned into a blow out regarding this and I told her i just cant see myself staying with somebody who absolutely refuses to try and take care of themself. Then she flips and “oh, so now you want a divorce because im fat and disgusting.” And later after the tyraid she actually said “i dont want to get a divorce because then id have to worry about trying to look good if i ever wanted to get in the dating game”

my mouth dropped and i asked if she realized what she just said. Then that pissed me off lol


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## Gibsonator (Oct 28, 2017)

JuiceTrain said:


> Thats a tough one man;
> Had a similar situation with an ex, she wanted to start working out and get her pre-mom bod back which i was more than happy to help but it was all talk. She started off by saying call me in th a.m. so she could get up and go to the gym (which was in her complex, like a 2min walk down the hall) long story short.....excuse after excuse
> 
> Than i took a 30min drive to her house early in the morning to go to the gym with her which resulted in me getting yelled at and hearing a bunch of excuses on how she's gotta get ready for work, get her kid situated, and blah blah blah lol
> ...



last part, same with men, to be fare


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## JuiceTrain (Oct 28, 2017)

Gibsonator said:


> last part, same with men, to be fare



You're right bro, 
was looking at it from an individual perspective.
(Totally bias)

But as a couple i personally think that you should try and stay healthy for one another.


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## jennerrator (Oct 28, 2017)

omg, wait untill IH chimes in as he knows a lot about dealing with this  and will have good advice... 

I am obviously not in a relationship with a woman nor have I really been in a relationship with someone that has let themselves go...but what I do know is this...male or female, it doesn't matter hon...if they don't want it enough, it will never happen..no matter what you say or do and I know this for a fact because even if you were to threaten (just using this as an example) something serious enough to freak her into doing something...9 times out of 10 she'd gain it back because she didn't do it for herself as that's what's key.....people have to do it for themselves period.

My .02 but I wish you all the luck in the world because it's what's best for her


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## Gibsonator (Oct 28, 2017)

I fukkin love that my woman and I both push each other hard and it's one of her top priorities to stay fit/get fitter. We met at the gym, we share that passion, wouldn't have it any other way. yea off topic. best answer is she needs to want to do it for herself and you. maybe watch fitness videos while she's in the room, biggest loser etc, something that may motivate her. Or start liking/friend requesting a bunch of hot fitness models on ig & facebook til she gets the picture. jk def don't do that


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## silvereyes87 (Oct 28, 2017)

Just start withholding pp from her. An tell her that you're losing attraction.you might have to sleep on the couch afterwards.


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## IHI (Oct 28, 2017)

Yeah, ultimately you guys get it/know it....like an addict, until the person wants to make the change, nobody can do it for them. If they fake it to make it, they will always revert back to the same ole ways. Was just hoping there was some secret wisdom someone knew about.

believe it or not through our arguments i do get take aways and try to help. One was she felt overwhelmed with everything around the house, and didnt have time, so i really ramped up the help to knock stuff off her list of dailys to create a window for her. That came and went, i keep up on my extra help but now she fills that window with more phone stuck to her face texting/facebooking “because this is the only time all my friends get to talk”.

then it turned into a “i almost do everything opposite out of spite because i dont like being criticized, i need positive reinforcement”. So then i focused on being extra nice, saying nice things, lieing to try and build some confidence or drive. That never panned out either.

just frustrating, ive always had and like nice things. She used to be a nice looking thing, i realize life/age changes us, but to just flat out sit most of her day at work munching (was home for 4 months this yr post surgery and watched her habits/eating) then sit around snacking all night (summer her and the kids would get ice cream 2/3 days a week and always wondered why i never want anything)....ugh, just hard having a mate that has morphed into the body type that has always made me ill, i know some folks like big girls, i dont, and it sucks cuz 9 out of 10 times having sex i just cant climax bumpin uglies because im just going thru the motions for her and trying not to think how disgusted i am. She has no problem finishing with bj’s but damn


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## silvereyes87 (Oct 28, 2017)

Ihi I really do feel for you man. You take care of yourself and hold up your end of the deal. Helpout with chores. Give them all the supportive words and then she still finds reasons not to make any effort. You love her but at the same time you want to be sexually turned on by her.  Sometimes you have to bear the arguement and her bringing up everything you've done wrong for the last 20 years to get it across that you're not happy with the situation. And dont feel guilty for wanting a fine , fit body under you when you're screwing. Most men do


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## John Ziegler (Oct 28, 2017)

my girl is usually pretty thick in the summer then around this time uh year gets thicker 

either way I'm stoked 

never been a picky eater or a picky fukker either


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## BigGameHunter (Oct 28, 2017)

Sorry to hear about this

Without knowing her history, it could be she is kind of "rebelling" against what her condition has brought her.  Hopefully its a faze. Had a bit of the same problem with my better half minus the appearance and I have found over time that I am going  to have to be the example of working out and taking care of yourself.  That alone hasnt gotten me a better half as serious/focused about the gym as Jenner but she does try it just goes in spurts.   My girl cant buy groceries worth a fuk either.  Its carb city and years ago I said fuk it and go get the groceries myself.

I have the same problem with the "sugar on top" stuff and can offer no good advice about that.


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## IHI (Oct 28, 2017)

I wouldnt call it so much rebelling, id just say shes always had a sweet tooth and that sugar addiction plus 40yrs (well 30yrs once she could make her own food choices more openly/independently) of eating like shit, has just become a normal way of life; then being unable to see (or namely accept) what its done and doing to her is the frustrating part. Shes NEVER had any spark of doing a diet or the typical stuff most folks go thru, when we were younger and more active, metabolism working great, we got away with eating like shit. But with her thyroid killed, metabolism almost idle- to me, and we’ve talked, has to be addressed seriously. 

Her family has a history of thyroid issues and hindsight it shows, her sister is grossly obese, they actually raised her husbands insurance rates because shes now a at risk person due to it....and yet, if the girls go out or holidays, theres the plate stacked up with garbage like its a last meal for the week.....and people give me shit at both side family get togethers “you eat like a bird”. Lmao no, “im trying”. 

But on the other hand based on conversation/arguments, yes, she does hold this fitness thing against me and sees her uncontrollable eating as an aspect of our lives that she has complete control over without me being able to interject change (she gets angry because most things i tell her are bad ideas/wont work and give her better ideas that do work- she gets pissed off at herself and himds it against me since things usually play out hiw i say) seriously not being arrogant about that, because she helps me takes steps back before i do dumb shit as well with things shes better equiped than i am; so its the teamwork of marriage, but i dont hold it against her when shes right- may take a bit to thank her on somethings, but i dont intentionally do things out of spite to “punish” her.

its a marriage, we both/all sacrifice to make things work. I just wish she would care as much about taking care of herself as she does staying upto date on latest hen house gossip lmao


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## Yaya (Oct 28, 2017)

Stage a fight and in the middle of it plan to use the line "U think I'm an asshole?, well ur a blimp these days honey"


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## Yaya (Oct 28, 2017)

It's a fight and u can deliver the message without being polite

No such thing as polite fighting


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## IHI (Oct 28, 2017)

Yaya said:


> Stage a fight and in the middle of it plan to use the line "U think I'm an asshole?, well ur a blimp these days honey"



True story: i was 20, she was 19, id bought a house and she moved in shortly after we started dating and she won some of those huge inflatable boxing gloves. That night she wanted to box, no honey thats not a good idea. “Come on, it’ll be fun”....no, no it wont, something is bound to happen. “Quit being a pussy, come on, lets box”

so we commense to inflate these huuuge air mittens that resembled boxing gloves, sorta. Starts out all newly coupled fun and games, jabs her and there, giggle giggle, then being a man you hold everything but 2% back and let her feel like shes winning out of chivalry. Then the shit talking starts calling me a pussy, come on-try, quit being a bitch....as shes being allowed to hit me with some jabs against my half assed attemps shes easily blocking...and finally after enough shit talk from her i ask, you want a lil, you wanna taste of this beast?? “Yeah, give it to me bitch, so far im the one making you my bitch” 

and with that and half speed haymaker/roundhouse to her head; not a wise thing to do with inflated mittens. at contact, the air mitten proceeds to fold back around the pocket my right hand is in so she gets a half powered fist to the side of her face.

she goes down, both of us suprised, me shedding these huge ****ing air mittens of destruction, her trying to feel her jaw but hampered by her air mittens....and there it is, bloody lip and bloody nose- phuck

all while trying to apologise while saying SEE i told ya this was a bad idea lol

she threw them away after the blood stopped running and she setteled down:32 (19):


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## RISE (Oct 28, 2017)

I remember your past posts, H.  Reading about your problems is like a reflection of my household.  I've asked my woman to stop bringing junk food in the house, and it would def stop once our son came into the picture.  Well it has continued and i cant get it to stop.  Luckily she hasnt gained any extra weight, but its such a turn off for me.  Plus i dont want my kid eating this shit.  

She too has a thyroid issue.  Supposidly.  Shes been blaming it for our lack of sex, yet our problems with that matter have been going on for 6 of the 7 years we've been together.  After countless fights about it, its always "why is it always about sex".  I guess she doesnt get the picture that once a month for a man will drive him fuking nuts.  A 10 pack of condoms lasts me almost 6 months.  If I had a problem that was effecting my sex life and our relationship negatively, you bet your ass i would fix it asap.  The fact that she doesnt seem to care makes me feel like a fool and is hard to care about her situation or this relationship when she is in willing to fix it.

She also never cleans the house.  On her days off she goes to her parents house all day and fuks around over there.  And when, she gets off of work she's "too tired".  I have zero sympathy for that shit.  As an adult and a parent there is no excuse for not keeping a clean house.  So I'm stuck with doing all the work on my days off while she fuks around.

I dont really have any words of encouragement bc ive been checked out of my relationship for years now.  Im only still with her bc of my son and bc my credit was a couple points to low to get approved for a home loan, so her mom signed with my girl, and i refuse to lose a house I've put thousands of dollars and hours into fixing up and have her keep it when she has done absolutely nothing and has not even put a dollar into the house.  Correction, she bought a rug for the living room.  But with out me this house would turn to shit.  

Like you, I tell her how it is, bc she's the kind of person if you sugar coat shit she feels like she can push it away.  She doesnt take anything i see into consideration when I tell her boldly either, but if she's not going to respond either way its a lose/lose situation.  So i tell it how it is.  My philosophy is if you have no respect for yourself you can not have any respect for your significant other.  Letting yourself go is disrespectful to your husband/wife/partner/whatever.  Especially when they sacrifice the time and energy to get their shit together like we have.

Hope you make it out of this shit together, but if your woman is how I think she is, it may take some extreme heart break and other relationship failures for them to see the light.


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## IHI (Oct 28, 2017)

Rise, ive seen/learned that the thyroid does play a pretty powerful role in alot of aspects of a human body, and sides of it not functioning or having other levels checked; really is not different than the game we play here. Yeah, the main hormone looks fantastic on paper/labs- but we feel like shit....because as a result it affected other hormones in a negative way. 

Time and again (wife calls it mothering-always worrying about the families health all the while ignoring even major issues to herself, while i harp and it turns into arguments) i just asked her, next endo app. for your thyroid panel, ask about the lack of libido and overall vaginal dryness youve had for years because everything ive read about some of your symptoms points back to sides of other hormones while working to maintain your thyroid levels. But she dont/wont of course.

I do love her, we’re a pretty good ying/yang for each other, but we also have strong points that drive the other crazy. But like you, divorce is saying i quit, and thats hard to accept for people like us even if it would mean ultimately being better off. The kids are a huge thing, while i think we’d both enjoy the quiet or freedom on the trade the kids days, I dont want my kids to go thru that, i did, and it sucked. Plus we dont bag on eachother to make it seem like a high tension household where we have to walk on eggshells. I guess its “normal” as far as a “normal” family life goes lol

 just wish there was something i could say/do to try to help motivate her into taking better care of herself is all- for her own health reasons and my aesthetic reasons lol. Im not looking for a super model, but sloppy just dont turn me on. After our first kid was born her and a friend got into those aerobic kick boxing classes, she was the most fit id ever seen her in my life and i couldnt keep my hands off her. She let herself go, then years later got back into it (she needs classes/group settings so our home gym is useless to her since she cant motivate herself like i can) well, then the “ooops baby” happened and its been full steam ahead on the cream cheese express with no inkling of ever jumping off this train


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## snake (Oct 28, 2017)

I think there's two things going on here.

First, you're wife's ability to commit to a lifestyle. I say "Lifestyle" and not a "Diet" because there's a great difference. A diet is what a woman does to get into that bikini she bought on sale at the end of September with the hopes of fitting into it next June. A "Lifestyle" is a long term commitment to oneself.

You can hold a gun to her head but it's not going to happen. There's a chance she has an epiphany and makes an effort to turn it around but there's nothing you can do. Is there a chance she's comfortable where she's at? It can happen to both men and women when they don't think they need to be on their game any more. Do you have any idea how many people I know approach me for diet and training advice after they get divorced? Of course,their divorce didn't happen because they gained a few lbs but they obviously now see they are not so appealing to the opposite sex.

As for her health, she has other people that rely on her being around for some time; that alone can motivate someone. I truthfully think this is the only exception to the rule that says, "You have to do it for yourself". It may not be the only factor but it can be a factor tp get her moving.

Now the second problem you have. There seems to be a growing gap between you and her with respects to how you look. This too is nothing you can do about unless you decide to stop training and eating junk food. If you think this is a problem, you may need to have a difficult conversation about it.

My .02 cents


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## IHI (Oct 28, 2017)

Snake, your right

She’s comfortable for sure, last year i sent her a few pictures of herself in the everyday schluff wear as a way to show her what i see, she wasnt real happy with that or the pictures, but reality is reality and after some tears she said nobody ever takes pictures of me so i never knew thats hiw i looked- but that lasted about a month because “i cant give up pop, i get headaches”...and the excuse bag is bottomless and effort is easily made excused by one thing or another.

ill never be stage worthy, genetics nit there nor a goal, i just got tired of seeing myself in a mirror morphing into the “dad bod”. I like lifting, so decided now that i have a real job, and TIME, id finally partake in a hobby I enjoyed but lacked time/energy running my construction business.


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## Gibsonator (Oct 28, 2017)

there is waaaaay too much words in these posts lol


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## snake (Oct 28, 2017)

IHI said:


> Snake, your right
> 
> She’s comfortable for sure, last year i sent her a few pictures of herself in the everyday schluff wear as a way to show her what i see, she wasnt real happy with that or the pictures, but reality is reality and after some tears she said nobody ever takes pictures of me so i never knew thats hiw i looked- but that lasted about a month because “i cant give up pop, i get headaches”...and the excuse bag is bottomless and effort is easily made excused by one thing or another.
> 
> ill never be stage worthy, genetics nit there nor a goal, i just got tired of seeing myself in a mirror morphing into the “dad bod”. I like lifting, so decided now that i have a real job, and TIME, id finally partake in a hobby I enjoyed but lacked time/energy running my construction business.



*I have only one quote that hangs in my gym. I think this sums up why you do what you do and why the wife does not. *


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## snake (Oct 28, 2017)

rise said:


> shes been blaming it for our lack of sex, yet our problems with that matter have been going on for 6 of the 7 years we've been together.  After countless fights about it, its always "why is it always about sex".  I guess she doesnt get the picture that once a month for a man will drive him fuking nuts.  A 10 pack of condoms lasts me almost 6 months.  If i had a problem that was effecting my sex life and our relationship negatively, you bet your ass i would fix it asap.  The fact that she doesnt seem to care makes me feel like a fool and is hard to care about her situation or this relationship when she is in willing to fix it.




thread! Thread! Thread! T- h- r- e- a- d !!!!


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## IHI (Oct 28, 2017)

Love that quote snake, fired it off to my sign buddy to have him make that into a 48” wide x 24” tall to fit between mirrors on wall in my home gym:32 (1):


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## snake (Oct 29, 2017)

IHI said:


> Love that quote snake, fired it off to my sign buddy to have him make that into a 48” wide x 24” tall to fit between mirrors on wall in my home gym:32 (1):



You did have him make 2? One for you and one for Papa Snake right? lol

Truthfully, we can talk about why people do and don't do things but I feel it really boils down to that.


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## IHI (Oct 29, 2017)

snake said:


> You did have him make 2? One for you and one for Papa Snake right? lol
> 
> Truthfully, we can talk about why people do and don't do things but I feel it really boils down to that.



You are exactly right, its a life thing/human nature thing. Ill do the same thing if i really in truely dont want to do something, ill find any excuse so i dont have to lol


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## dk8594 (Oct 30, 2017)

It took me awhile,, but I learned to stop trying to mold my wife into a female version of me.   Not everyone's idea of healthy lifestyle is putting in their ear buds, placing a weighted bar on their back and squatting down until they fail from exhaustion. When I realized this, I let her find our own path.   Weights don't do it for her, that's cool, she found something else that does and that's all that matters.  Maybe it's the same way with your wife?


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## knightmare999 (Oct 31, 2017)

You could appeal to the fact that you want to be with her, and for a long time, and that you care about her quality of life and doing things with her.  You need her around for the kids, and to help set a good example for the kids.  
I have a problem saying what I think too often, too, so it's generally better for me to walk away, think, find positives (e.g., setting an example for the kids, spending time together) and editing the negatives.  If I riff off the cuff, I find sometimes that I almost WANT to say hurtful things, even though I really don't once I've had time to let my blood cool.  
I wish you luck.


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## IHI (Oct 31, 2017)

knightmare999 said:


> You could appeal to the fact that you want to be with her, and for a long time, and that you care about her quality of life and doing things with her.  You need her around for the kids, and to help set a good example for the kids.
> I have a problem saying what I think too often, too, so it's generally better for me to walk away, think, find positives (e.g., setting an example for the kids, spending time together) and editing the negatives.  If I riff off the cuff, I find sometimes that I almost WANT to say hurtful things, even though I really don't once I've had time to let my blood cool.
> I wish you luck.



Im the same way, i articulate well if i type out an text message or send her an email.  Because i can filter, verbally, im more the bite my tounge until i snap, then there is no filter and everything pours out- everything, and we both know some of that is good because it slaps in on the table, but the presentation to get it to the table can be quite ugly.


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## Chillinlow (Nov 1, 2017)

Gyms not for everyone and the gyms not where you start getting fit, diet is key. Get her eating right and she'll loose weight, don't mention the fact it's healthy or this or that shit. Get on pin trest and find recipes that are healthy and try to introduce them as something new to try, do not mention weight loss health etc. Try mixing shit up, go for a walk with the kids slowly get her into a habbit of some form of excerice but don't make it out to be about working about. Make it out to be quality time etc. everything is a habbit help her develope the habbit indirectly sense the direct approach isn't working


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## RISE (Nov 1, 2017)

^^ lmao i thought you told him to get his woman to pin some trest for a second.


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## IHI (Nov 1, 2017)

She suprised me last night for dinner, she made something called “angel squash spaghetti”. So weird assed looking squash- about the size/shape of a football just not as oval- more round. Somehow she cut them in half and then shreaded the inards like angel hair spaghetti, put the stuff back into the squash halves, then topped it with ground turkey, some diced veggies, and cheese. then baked it to melt the cheese onto/into everything. The kids and i HATE squash, but this didnt have a squash flavor at all- it was honestly very good and even both kids woofed it down.

oldest teenage daughter, “whats this, going to try and eat healthy now?” I said whats wrong with that? Would you rather be a fat sloppy person that cant do shit because you gas out easy and look like shit, or eat this that tastes good and is good for your body.

Yeah, the “trick” her is best way, but she’s honestly addicted to sugar shit- like withdrawl symptoms if she dont get a pop or have a chocolate munchie/cookies at certain times in the day...and her will power is zero to beat it. Maybe i need to suggest a challenge of sorts, like see who can lose the most weight in 3 months. I bang some Tren and let her win, because she may win that battle but i won the war


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## Chillinlow (Nov 3, 2017)

That sqush shit is pretty good my wife makes it once in awhile. The sugar is addicting for sure and is a hard habbit to break. There is sugar free alternatives that will cut the sugar out and fill the sugar craving but there's only a couple I'd recommend most are just synthetic cancer. Problem is if you do that its more of a bandaid and doesn't actually help rid the sugar habbit. 

If you can get the diet down and she starts dropping the pounds she'll probably get hooked. The gym I think is way harder to get someone into and if their diet sucks the gyms just going to be a big disappointment . Maybe you can make a sacrifice for her if she'll make one for you. Even if your full of shit haha


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## grizzldsealpoacher (Nov 3, 2017)

Forgive me if I am repeating . I like to read all the posts before  I chime in but I need to do some work at some point  My wife and I were both very out of shape. We sort of began getting in shape around the same time. I hit the gym and she found Zumba. It's gotta be a personal journey man, there's no way you can control the way she feels about fitness and diet. Best thing you can do is support your wife talk to her about how she's feeling (how's her energy? how's her perception of her health? etc) then suggest things that you would like to further your fitness and diet goals. I believe that this will have an effect on her and she will take some of the ideas you have for yourself and apply them to her life in her own way making it her decision and nothing to do with you so it will be ok for her lol. Sometimes your partner needs to come to the conclusion that your drawing for them on there own so they can feel as if it was there own idea and then they are in control of it. I am no expert but when I hear my wife having a problem I think I can help with I simply apply the issue into my life and suggest how I plan on addressing it and sometimes the answer rubs off on her and she finds the same solution on her terms.


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## gymrat827 (Nov 3, 2017)

dude go to Curves with her, whatever it takes.  

But you too are going to be with all the fluff cakes n doing stupid basic exercise + stretches.  

But if your wife will go, it is worth it.  Once she sees and realizes she can lose a few pants sizes with not too much effort (light diet/gym work) hopefully she will get bitten by the fitness bug and just go.  

But your push has to be small, particular & precise.  If you can get her to do 25-35 min of cardio 3-4x a wk & drop the straight sugar (candy, cookies) and try to have sweets that some just a tiny bit of nutritional value...............you ll be in the right direction.  

Im no Spongy, but being the AAS/fitness/diet guy of my group of dudes......I hear this all the time.  

"how can i get 6/8/11lbs off of her without making her just cry"...??

Well....IMHO....its doing everything under the sun diet & fitness wise with her & diet wise...for her.  You cook those meals are going to slowly strip lbs off.  You find a womens gym....one for zumba, yoga, whatever female type workout........YOU GO TOO.  You need to turn HER problem in to YOUR problem.  The both of you...

 Or just forget all together..



GL bro


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## Gibsonator (Nov 5, 2017)

gonna be a long one... so yesterday at work I had a different helper, mine had the day off. for some reason guys always open up to me with thier problems/personal shit whatever. so this guy was telling me he hasn't had sex with his wife in 3 weeks. so a couple days ago he tried to get some and she pulled that bullshit line about "there's more than sex ya know" or some shit. he told her; if you don't feed yours dogs they'll stray. which definitely wasn't the best thing to say, although it's true,a woman should already know that. 
 The problem is she was just diagnosed with obesity,  high bp, sodium, etc. obviously the only thing that will help her is diet/exercise. but she is so down on herself she won't let her man touch her. she hasn't spoken to him in 5 days. he said he tried to comfort her and tell her he loves her and finds her attractive no matter what but she's stuck I'm her head. women do that.
So even though this guy is in ok shape I told him the best course of action is to a) wait it out, b) give her back the silent treatment til she realizes she's being a selfish bitch or c) get some healthy food in the house and a family gym membership to workout together. 
 Sorry long rant I just figured I would share that because I think a lot of couple who have been married for awhile go through this and it's a damn shame
-gibs outtt


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## RISE (Nov 5, 2017)

Gibsonator said:


> gonna be a long one... so yesterday at work I had a different helper, mine had the day off. for some reason guys always open up to me with thier problems/personal shit whatever. so this guy was telling me he hasn't had sex with his wife in 3 weeks. so a couple days ago he tried to get some and she pulled that bullshit line about "there's more than sex ya know" or some shit. he told her; if you don't feed yours dogs they'll stray. which definitely wasn't the best thing to say, although it's true,a woman should already know that.
> The problem is she was just diagnosed with obesity,  high bp, sodium, etc. obviously the only thing that will help her is diet/exercise. but she is so down on herself she won't let her man touch her. she hasn't spoken to him in 5 days. he said he tried to comfort her and tell her he loves her and finds her attractive no matter what but she's stuck I'm her head. women do that.
> So even though this guy is in ok shape I told him the best course of action is to a) wait it out, b) give her back the silent treatment til she realizes she's being a selfish bitch or c) get some healthy food in the house and a family gym membership to workout together.
> Sorry long rant I just figured I would share that because I think a lot of couple who have been married for awhile go through this and it's a damn shame
> -gibs outtt



This is the shit I cant stand.  Dragging your partner/wife/husband down with them bc they have no self control.  She didnt get obese over night, nor did she get high bp and sodium over night.  So it took a doctor to tell her she's an idiot and she shuts down instead of doing what she needs to do and get her shit back together.  Accountability isn't common sense anymore I guess.


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## Flyrocski (Nov 6, 2017)

Talking to women from a guy stand point is hard. We think different and they don't hear what we hear.. I would start small by adding food to flush out her insides. Work on lowing her sugar intake. More water less soda and a lot of compliments even if it's not true.. Maybe a new hair style or nails can spark her interest.. If all else fails there's one one way I know to motive a women but it's tricky and it could backfire so please use caution.. A another women.. I'm not saying cheat on her.. You don't have to you want only need appearance.. If she thinks shes their anther women she might step up her game.. Also if your sending the message I'll be here no matter what she has no reason to change as your not going anywhere.. Only you know your lady please don't ruin a family attempting to change I person who doesn't want to change. Either be there when she's ready and go slow with your help or leave to find a women into heathly life sytles. Life's to short to stay in a relationship that can't make your happy


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## Flyrocski (Nov 6, 2017)

Flush flush flush she might be full of toxins. Teach her about human parasites or yeast and fungi living and thriving off sugar. It might gross or freak her out enough to want to eat healthly.. Or those things might be causes her problems right now... Flush out toxins kill off any problems in gut add more water and go from there.


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## Jin (Nov 7, 2017)

Flyrocski said:


> Flush flush flush she might be full of toxins. Teach her about human parasites or yeast and fungi living and thriving off sugar. It might gross or freak her out enough to want to eat healthly.. Or those things might be causes her problems right now... Flush out toxins kill off any problems in gut add more water and go from there.



Human parasites huh? UG knows all about them.


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## PillarofBalance (Nov 7, 2017)

Flyrocski said:


> Flush flush flush she might be full of toxins. Teach her about human parasites or yeast and fungi living and thriving off sugar. It might gross or freak her out enough to want to eat healthly.. Or those things might be causes her problems right now... Flush out toxins kill off any problems in gut add more water and go from there.



What are the names of these toxins?


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## JuiceTrain (Nov 7, 2017)

PillarofBalance said:


> What are the names of these toxins?



Mesothelioma......


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## sjmdesigns (Nov 7, 2017)

Gibsonator said:


> I fukkin love that my woman and I both push each other hard and it's one of her top priorities to stay fit/get fitter. We met at the gym, we share that passion, wouldn't have it any other way. yea off topic. best answer is she needs to want to do it for herself and you. maybe watch fitness videos while she's in the room, biggest loser etc, something that may motivate her. Or start liking/friend requesting a bunch of hot fitness models on ig & facebook til she gets the picture. jk def don't do that



My wife and I watch "My 600 lb Life" episodes all the time. That's a lot of motivation right there.

For me it was the opposite. I was 420, and for the last 2 years my wife went from 325 to 180. Last DEC 2016, I got in gear, now I'm 294 in just over 10 months of changing my eating and hitting the gym, and catching up to her. I have a long way to go (250 is my current goal weight).

Funny thing is, she now thinks I'm obsessed with fitness. Can ya dig that? But I always remind her of what I was like, and I have a pic of me at 420. I show it to her all the time to remind both of us why we are doing this.

We are both 53 years old and we want to be around for each other.

I wish you the best IHI


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## Flyrocski (Nov 8, 2017)

The normal heavy medal toxins, bad bactria, worms, undigested food, and that yeast that turns fungal I thinks it's called candidas. Some of those parasites have to ability to change taste buds and force you to crave sugar. It sounds crazy but I bet there's a lot of people over weight due to over growth of yeast or some other type of parasite living in the gut. I tried to freak out someone by teaching her about human worms but she just blocked the shit out and keep eating.. Then I tried to do the same thing to my grandson hoping he would wash his hands more often and that failed even worst because he started thinking he had worms in his eyes.. While it might not of worked for me both times it might work for you.. But wouldn't recommend using this tactic on younger kids it's not worth the risk.


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## ECKSRATED (Nov 8, 2017)

Flyrocski said:


> The normal heavy medal toxins, bad bactria, worms, undigested food, and that yeast that turns fungal I thinks it's called candidas. Some of those parasites have to ability to change taste buds and force you to crave sugar. It sounds crazy but I bet there's a lot of people over weight due to over growth of yeast or some other type of parasite living in the gut. I tried to freak out someone by teaching her about human worms but she just blocked the shit out and keep eating.. Then I tried to do the same thing to my grandson hoping he would wash his hands more often and that failed even worst because he started thinking he had worms in his eyes.. While it might not of worked for me both times it might work for you.. But wouldn't recommend using this tactic on younger kids it's not worth the risk.



How do u do these cleanses? I could use a nice cleanse I think. Just swallow some soap?


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## Chillinlow (Nov 8, 2017)

I use bleach .....


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## trim (Nov 8, 2017)

Start buying her clothes that are a couple of sizes too small for xmas and bdays. She will eventually get the hint !


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## Flyrocski (Nov 8, 2017)

Are you playing around cause I'm being dead serious.. I've seen 3 people suffer from worms and over growth of yeast that turned fungal. It was a long battle but they got their system back to heathly using cleansing products, diet changes and life style changes. I'll speak to them and get back to you just to make sure I get the names of products that worked. They tried a lot of things before being successful.. It's better to prevent to then battle so I'll be sure to respond with more detailed information shorthy.. If any one else has information please respond I believe this to be an overlooked problem that prevents a lot of people from reaching their fitness goals.


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## IHI (Nov 11, 2017)

Last night was a i messed up. Thursday at work one of the guys asked if i was lowing weight, then friday morning i was in plant managers office bs’ing and he said same thing. My diet really hasnt changed much, but last 3 weeks i get up at 4am, like now, down here doing cardio until i leave for work at 6. The ironic part is that im actually UP 7lbs from a few months ago  cool

so just couples talked told wife as shes unloading groceries about the “losing weight” thing, she goes yeah, i went to doctor last week and she congratulated me for being 10lbs less than time before. Im just dumbfounded/bewildered cuz i know its water and muscle, and as she unpacks her 2- 30 packs of pepsi to get her thru the week she glares at me and says see, i didnt tell you because i knew youd be an ass about it, cant even congratulate me.

being a dumb male i just told her congratulations and said you women need to forget scales even exist and use the self humbling selfie pics and a mirror to check reality. If you want to lose another 10 real easy, throw them boxes of phucking pop in the trash, then youll be down 20 with no effort at all other than this trip to garbage can

Ahhh just frustrating AF


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## BRICKS (Nov 11, 2017)

Well brother you have a point.  Gal at my work came to me and asked if i could help her lose weight.  I didn't really want to get involved, doubted her motivation.  So I told her to start with quit that sugary soda, none, nada.  Water instead. Then after 3 months we'd talk again. Fk if she didn't do it, lost 20 lbs, adressed the rest of her diet, and continued to lose another 50.  She was at 250lbs.  So, yeah, that would be the starting point.  But again, she's gonna have to want to do it.  This gal got a huge motivational boost dropping that first 20 lbs, maybe it will be the same.  If she does start dropping weight compliment the sh*t outta that.  Good luck. Hopefully something will work for ya.


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## IHI (Nov 11, 2017)

Im sure my wife is the same as most, the husband specializes in or partakes in something enough he kinda has an idea of what hes talking about. But the wife absolutely will not believe any advice from her husband and takes everything her girlfriends say as gospel. 

Ever since we’ve been together (i have a deep resume of experiences) she’ll listen to me about vehicle issues, construction/remodeling, finances, sex, yada yada- but apparently (and im by no means an expert) anything related to eating or fitness, im a blow hard that dont know shit; meanwhile her other 200+lb girlfriends are the doctorates on the subject.

Im thinking this thread was bad for me to start because so many good points i had shoved behind a wall in my brain have been verified and ever since its just kinda made me depressed everytime i look at her or have to have sex with her, very much a turn off being with a person whos content to not try or be interested in trying to take care of themselves. Shes not unkept or anything like that, just getting flabbier all the time and refuses to give up all the teenage habits or attempt to give them up.  But at same time, its nice to vent so it doesnt build up inside and come out as one big unfiltered explosion either.


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## BRICKS (Nov 11, 2017)

Haha,  brother, ive been doing anesthesia for 21 years and when it comes to medical stuff I swear my wife will listen to the plumber before me (no offense Gibs :32 (20)


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## BigSwolePump (Nov 11, 2017)

BRICKS said:


> Well brother you have a point.  Gal at my work came to me and asked if i could help her lose weight.  I didn't really want to get involved, doubted her motivation.  So I told her to start with quit that sugary soda, none, nada.  Water instead. Then after 3 months we'd talk again. Fk if she didn't do it, lost 20 lbs, adressed the rest of her diet, and continued to lose another 50.  She was at 250lbs.  So, yeah, that would be the starting point.  But again, she's gonna have to want to do it.  This gal got a huge motivational boost dropping that first 20 lbs, maybe it will be the same.  If she does start dropping weight compliment the sh*t outta that.  Good luck. Hopefully something will work for ya.



This is the key, right here.

If you can somehow get her to lose the first 10-20lbs then compliment her. That will change the game. Women love compliments and whether they admit it or not, will do anything to get them. To be fair, men do too


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## Chillinlow (Nov 11, 2017)

She doesn't want it and there fore she's never going to do it. And as much as it does big you I'd lay down the law at this point and say either take care if yoursef or I'm get me skme
young fit girl, yes easier said then done but sometimes just gotta lay down the law brotha


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## Beezy (Nov 11, 2017)

I’m probably just going to piss people off with this, but speaking from personal experience, here goes...

Your wife has no idea how to eat healthy or how to make healthier food taste edible. She grocery shops out of habit because she has a ton of other sh*t to worry about. I don’t think wanting her to look and feel better is purely selfish, but making blanket, unhelpful statements like, “You should eat healthier” is a stupid plan. 
If this is truly important to you, man up. Tell her that for the first week of December you are doing all the grocery shopping and all of the cooking. Write out the plan for 3-4 meals every day and stick to it. Include some snacks if she’s a snacker. If you make her walk around hungry she will quit. 

After the week ask how she feels, then tell her you will be handling snacks, dinner and the dinner cleanup from now on. 
Then add in long walks for the two of you every day. If you can maintain the walks long enough she will see results, then switch to jogs. 

She may want this too, she just doesn’t need all this extra work dumped on her lap.


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## IHI (Nov 11, 2017)

Beezy- im not going to get upset about your input. Truth be told, ive been down this road with her, at least once a year the past 4 years as ive gotten more serious myself. We’ve figured out her BMR and TDEE, did meal planning based on this. Quite easy since i just doubled up on alot of my main foods for the weekly prep. Shes works from home, so all i had to go by was were her tupperware dishes in sink from eating? Watchful eye on what dishes and goop were in sink and wrappers/packages in garbage. But trivial i know, but i dont like being lied to. Things would be great for a few days, then slowly the pop cans became seen downstairs or in garbage, then the cream cheese container on front shelf of fridge/knife in sink, empty chip bag in garbage and when confronted “it was just a snack, dont ride my ass about this”

then by week 2 it was all for not, she wont eat breakfast- refuses saying shes too busy, but yet has ample time to sit on couch catching up on social media. Yeah, shes a mom, shes busy, i get it. I try to help out so she doesnt have as many house chores to deal with, the kids pitch in as well so burden is shared. But she’s had other things health wise she flat refuses to see a doctor and will make excuses to her death why shes not going to bother- then it gets to where there no option but to seek serious treatment.


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## Beezy (Nov 11, 2017)

IHI said:


> Beezy- im not going to get upset about your input. Truth be told, ive been down this road with her, at least once a year the past 4 years as ive gotten more serious myself. We’ve figured out her BMR and TDEE, did meal planning based on this. Quite easy since i just doubled up on alot of my main foods for the weekly prep. Shes works from home, so all i had to go by was were her tupperware dishes in sink from eating? Watchful eye on what dishes and goop were in sink and wrappers/packages in garbage. But trivial i know, but i dont like being lied to. Things would be great for a few days, then slowly the pop cans became seen downstairs or in garbage, then the cream cheese container on front shelf of fridge/knife in sink, empty chip bag in garbage and when confronted “it was just a snack, dont ride my ass about this”
> 
> then by week 2 it was all for not, she wont eat breakfast- refuses saying shes too busy, but yet has ample time to sit on couch catching up on social media. Yeah, shes a mom, shes busy, i get it. I try to help out so she doesnt have as many house chores to deal with, the kids pitch in as well so burden is shared. But she’s had other things health wise she flat refuses to see a doctor and will make excuses to her death why shes not going to bother- then it gets to where there no option but to seek serious treatment.



Where there’s no will - there’s no way.


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