Struggling with some type of sickness... Any advice appreciated

[chunch]

Lately I've really been struggling with some type of debilitating sickness transiently. Actually for years it seems I've had this feeling come and go. Grew up healthy, except for developing some really hardcore OCD shit when I was a kid that they thought might have come from strep throat infections.

I'm 27 now and for the past few years I have these days where I just feel like a different person. Hot flashes, weakness, confusion, lethargy/fatigue, swollen lymph nodes and random other symptoms like minor testicular soreness and just generally feeling sick like the onset of the flu. Some days I'll feel fine, and then the next day I get all these symptoms and can barely function. I've gone around with doctors, no one gives a shit to dig into what it could be. They just send you to a million different doctors, which I don't have the time, money, or sanity to endure. I've had lots of tests, almost all blood work has came back normal, except for a positive ANA test which they thought could indicate lupus.
I've had many EKGs, normal. 3 years ago I had a heart ultrasound and it was normal. And recently because of my growing paranoia I had a head CT scan and MRI which came back normal as well as an upper endoscopy and a chest X-ray.

I'm getting to my wits end. This winter has been one of the darkest periods of my life. Last year I got into what was so far the best shape of my life and finally felt like I was healthy for most of the summer, as well as finally getting on top of my mental health from just discipline and living s active and clean lifestyle. Then in November I went to a concert and got "covid" and have just dropped off a cliff. Developed complete depression and hypochondriac obsession with my health. But it is real, I have had these symptoms that come and go for at least 6-7 years.

It's just a dark time for me, Im staring really dark thoughts down every single day and it's not good. I am obsessed with lifting weights and bodybuilding and fitness. I have seen a natural holistic doctor who put me on an anti inflammatory Paleo diet which I'm not sure if it helped or not but it just seems unsustainable and impossible to get even maintenance calories. Also ran a bunch of blood tests that came back unremarkable. I was positive I had low test because of how shitty i was feeling but it turned out it came back as 605. I take supplements, I try to eat as clean as I can, I've done elimination diets and I'm not sure if I can see a food that bothers me. I am getting good lifts, yesterday I got a great chest/tricep day, and then today I felt like shit.


I also suspect I might be allergic to caffeine.

I know no one here is a doctor or anything but I'm just like going crazy feeling like this at my age where I feel like I should be crushing it and instead I'm wracked with anxiety about my health because this shit won't leave me alone. Except for it does seem to go away for months at a time and then come back randomly. I just was wondering if anyone else might have gone through anything like this. Like I said, it's probably been going on and off for 6-7 years. I also think I have had a history of a very high level of stress.

 

[PaintDrinker]

There is a fucking lot to unpack here. First off I hope you’re hanging in there, sounds miserable.

Second, give us some more information. Do you use to drugs? Anabolics? Ancillaries? Have you ever used finasteride or accutane? Do you have bloodwork that checks inflammatory markers? Bloodwork showing CRP, ESR, and PV could be helpful here.

The more you can tell us, the more we can tell you. It’s unfortunate medical professionals don’t seem to have a solid answer, but if it is lupus that would be unfortunate.

 

[CohibaRobusto]

Let's take a look at the mental health aspects of it all too. What psych meds are you on if any? Have you seen a psychiatrist? Have you ever done therapy?

You sound wound up pretty tight, anxious and depressed. The mind/body connection is real. Hypochondriasis is a thing too, not saying you have that it's just good to rule everything out.

 

[John Ziegler]

after reading the title my first thought was

have you been eating a dirty rear

 

[chunch]

There is a fucking lot to unpack here. First off I hope you’re hanging in there, sounds miserable.

Second, give us some more information. Do you use to drugs? Anabolics? Ancillaries? Have you ever used finasteride or accutane? Do you have bloodwork that checks inflammatory markers? Bloodwork showing CRP, ESR, and PV could be helpful here.

The more you can tell us, the more we can tell you. It’s unfortunate medical professionals don’t seem to have a solid answer, but if it is lupus that would be unfortunate.

Thanks man. No I've never used any anabolics, sarms, or any other PED. Nor have I ever used finasteride or accutane. When I was young I developed a pretty decent drug habit due which was influenced by how I grew up and the OCD shit I went through, but I had a pretty big thing with benzos like Xanax and Klonopin and also amphetamines. Kicked that about 4 years ago but I wonder sometimes if it might have caused some of this.

I can get some of my labs and post them here too. To be honest, I've been feeling so desperate lately that I've been considering running testosterone just to feel better and improve my state/performance. I'm not gonna do that right now, but yeah that's where it's been leading me to because all I want is to be strong and consistent

 

[chunch]

after reading the title my first thought was

have you been eating a dirty rear

Unfortunately not

 

[chunch]

Let's take a look at the mental health aspects of it all too. What psych meds are you on if any? Have you seen a psychiatrist? Have you ever done therapy?

You sound wound up pretty tight, anxious and depressed. The mind/body connection is real. Hypochondriasis is a thing too, not saying you have that it's just good to rule everything out.

No psych meds. I used to see a psychiatrist, I used to take Zoloft too which helped with a lot of shit but it also made it so I couldn't really enjoy anything so what is the point of being "better" if you can't even enjoy the fruits of your effort. I did damn good at least compared to my old self last year on just pure will and discipline and I am proud of myself so to be honest I'm not really interested in psychiatry. Done a lot of therapy, some has helped some hasn't. Im open to it, but it's rare to find a therapist who has any kind of actual wisdom or anything of value in my experience although I have found a couple.

You are correct though, I am wound up pretty tight. When I was a kid I got pretty much blindsided and crushed by OCD and my life has been somewhat of a war of survival. In spite of that I think I've done decent but yeah it's been very stressful and I'm sure I have had a very high cortisol level at times.

 

[snake]

Let's take a look at the mental health aspects of it all too. What psych meds are you on if any? Have you seen a psychiatrist? Have you ever done therapy?

You sound wound up pretty tight, anxious and depressed. The mind/body connection is real. Hypochondriasis is a thing too, not saying you have that it's just good to rule everything out.

I'd start here. Seems like you checked off all the physical boxes. Plus the mind can really fuuk with the body.

 

[Gadawg]

Get tested for lymes disease and rocky mtn spotted fever

 

[Thrawn]

If you have insurance I would also look for doctors that specialize in diagnostics. You can call your insurance company to see if they have a recommendation. I have found regular doctors suck it diagnosing, statistically you can do a better job as long as you have the data and the internet to narrow down versus a general doctor.

 

[buck]

When in doubt my fall back for most things is eat healthy, stay active and get rest. Even when i don't feel like it. Those things aid in recovery of most things.

 

[chunch]

I'm thinking it might be chronic Epstein barr Virus. I've had mono before so I know I have it. I totally agree about the psychological part of it, I need to get that under control.

I'm struggling with the fact that if it is something like that, that I basically have to wage war on it. Meaning that I have to do whatever it takes, any kind of diet or rest. Which kills because for the first time in my life, I am starting to truly feel good about myself. I was always an active and physical kid and adult but never the naturally big guy. I'm not that big still at all, but compared to how I grew up, looking in the mirror I feel like a god. I broke down the barriers of long held negative beliefs that I could never gain muscle, look good or have a good physique or be proud of myself physically. The high of seeing gains due to your own intensity and dedication and relentlessness is a better feeling than any drug by far. And like I said, in the last few months I went from feeling on top and getting better to falling into total depression and now I'm finally getting back to a decent point physically, and just started a new job and it's like, I can't stand to go back to that again. It's like falling off a cliff.

I'm not gonna act like I've had the hardest life ever, not at all. But it hasn't exactly been smooth sailing either, have had my trials of being mentally tortured with the unrelenting OCD shit I grew up with and it's consequences to my life. To come from a place where living in total darkness and despair in your own head with no one understanding around you what's going on since your pre-puberty age til about 24-25 when you decide to wake up and then struggling and then finally figuring a lot of shit out and getting to a place where you never thought you could even if it's just a beginning is a crazy experience. And it feels like just when I had a taste of glory or victory over some negative things that I internalized deeply, its being pulled away from me.

Not to be all dramatic or play the victim. What I'm trying to say is that, as I'm sure you probably can relate to, once you've experienced something that is truly heavy to you, no matter what it is , you would be willing to go to any lengths to not go to that place again. I am in love with being strong and healthy and I am dedicated at the minimum to not be weak and inferior to my own idea of what I want and know I can be.

Im not trying to be a bitch or whine, or act like I have it so hard. I just think that people who go to extremes to dedicate themselves to things like bodybuilding and the gym can understand what I'm saying better than most so that's why I'm saying all this. This shitstorm has really confused me and all I can do is keep going and try to figure out the best move.

 

[chunch]

I was kinda talking out my ass in my last post. Just fuckin going nuts with this shit.