The log of a retarded social reject.

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Hey everyone. I joined this forum yesterday and have been working out somewhat consistently for about 3 months. Over the past 5 years I've had short stints of consistent training, but never for as long as 3 months. I don't know how consistent I'll be with this log nor do I know how detailed I'll be, but I'll attempt to log as much as possible.

Goals I'll be logging progress for:
  • Total weight gained. (Goal Weight is 170lbs)
  • Social anxiety/aptitude improvement.
  • Confidence levels.
  • # of big booty bitches bagged

My stats as of posting this video are as follows:
  • 143.4lbs butt-ass naked.
  • 5'7"
  • ~10% BF
  • 23 years old
  • Socially retarded
  • Very little confidence.
  • 0 big booty bitches bagged

My current prescription med/supplement/PED stack (will remain as listed unless specified otherwise):
  • Mens Daily Multivitamin
  • 1g Omega 3's daily (242x2 EPA, 226x2 DHA, misc).
  • >=5g Creatine Monohydrate Daily
  • 10mg-25mg MK-677 Daily (just started taking it 2 days ago, will be working in 2 misc off-days per week, still trying to settle on a specific dose)
  • 9mg Tadalafil Daily
  • 450mg Bupropion Daily (for depression)
  • 10mg Buspirone 2x Daily (for anxiety)
  • Sporadic/As needed use of: Ashwagandha, Cordyceps, L-Theanine, Emodin

Diet:
So, diet discipline is something I really need to work on. Before I began taking the MK-677 two days ago, I had a very difficult time working up an appetite to eat enough to maintain, much less grow. I have been eating more recently due to the increased ghrelin from the MK, but with that increased appetite will need to come increased food discipline. Today in total I've eaten (or am currently eating):
  • 3 chicken breasts
  • 3 160 calorie protein shakes
  • roughly 20 taki's
  • 5 tablespoons of peanut butter
  • a single poptart
  • 2 cups of milk
  • approximately 12 salt and vinegar chips
  • and about 2 cups of veggies consisting of broccoli, corn, green beans, and peas.


I've always been genetically predisposed to a decent body composition and for that I am blessed. I've had bad alcohol and drug addiction problems in the past, but those are mostly resolved. The only recreational drug I consume now is cannabis, and that's only on occasion. Today I purchased a gym membership at a nice gym not too far from my apartment. For the past 3 months I've been working out at the small gym provided by my apartment complex, but am beginning to outgrow it. I just returned from my first workout at this new gym and have never felt like a bigger retard.

I have a speech impediment, and it get's exponentially worse when I'm anxious and/or winded. I also have incredible social anxiety, and working from home I rarely find myself around more than 3-4 people at once. There must have been 50 people in this gym. I asked one of the employees where a certain machine was and he couldn't understand my retarded speech patterns, I had to repeat myself a dozen times and I could tell the dude was uncomfortable since I sounded like I should have been attended by a chaperone. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I forced myself to get a workout in, but was at around 70% strength capacity (not retard strength, unfortunately) and maybe 30% cardio capacity given how anxious I was at being around so many people. My heart was pounding before I even began my session. I didn't realize just how bad my anxiety and social issues had gotten until today. I will return tomorrow and force myself to go through it again, I'm hoping that as I desensitize myself to larger crowds that I'll be able to better manage myself and can maybe prove to the gym employee that I'm not a retard. There were a lot of bad bitches too. I'm not working out specifically for women, but I have decided to make smashing one or more part of my goals. Unfortunately I didn't log or carefully track my specific workout while there as I was so anxious, I will make an effort to do so in the future.

As always I'm open to input, feedback, advice, encouragement, discouragement, or shit-posting.
 

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lifter6973

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You dont have to work out to achieve any of these goals

  • Total weight gained. (Goal Weight is 170lbs)
  • Social anxiety/aptitude improvement.
  • Confidence levels.
  • # of big booty bitches bagged
Shit just fake it around bitches (the confidence) and you can bag a ho at least one in a bar. Seems like maybe you are doing all this for the wrong reasons.
 
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You dont have to work out to achieve any of these goals

  • Total weight gained. (Goal Weight is 170lbs)
  • Social anxiety/aptitude improvement.
  • Confidence levels.
  • # of big booty bitches bagged
Shit just fake it around bitches (the confidence) and you can bag a ho at least one in a bar. Seems like maybe you are doing all this for the wrong reasons.
Well like I said, I'm not working out specifically for women. I know that 3 out of those 4 I could achieve without working out, but I intend to work out for the weight gain regardless and am going to be logging my progress for that, so I figured I'd log my progress for the rest. It also seemed appropriate as this new gym will be my primary source of exposure to new people.

I try to avoid bars since I used to have a drinking problem. I'm too afraid I'll fuck it up and get blackout drunk and try to drive and kill myself or some stupid shit.


Edit:

Also just realized that the post makes it sound like I'm a 23 y/o virgin. I've bagged bitches before, just had a long, long dry spell (2 years?).
 

Yano

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Howdy , welcome. First of all lose that word man ,, you ain't no retard.

re·tard - verb
/riˈtärd/
"delay or hold back in terms of progress, development, or accomplishment.
"our progress was retarded by unforeseen difficulties"

You are here to make progress ,,, you my new aquaintance are the exact opposite.

So with that out of the way , if its a stutter try to find yourself a rhythm to settle into or a cadence it will help you calm down a bit and even out your speech.

You look like you have a decent frame to build on for some one thats never been consistent more than a few months at a time. You stick around here and get to know folks you will see huge gains.

Confidence comes with experience no offence but you are younger than my youngest kid so ,,, you got plenty of time to grow that confidence lol enjoy learning who you are and growing into your self as a man.

An as far as them big booties ,, i been bagging the same one for over 30 years so you'll be ahead of me in no time young buck haahahah take your time and get as many as ya can.
 
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Howdy , welcome. First of all lose that word man ,, you ain't no retard.

re·tard - verb
/riˈtärd/
"delay or hold back in terms of progress, development, or accomplishment.
"our progress was retarded by unforeseen difficulties"

You are here to make progress ,,, you my new aquaintance are the exact opposite.

So with that out of the way , if its a stutter try to find yourself a rhythm to settle into or a cadence it will help you calm down a bit and even out your speech.

You look like you have a decent frame to build on for some one thats never been consistent more than a few months at a time. You stick around here and get to know folks you will see huge gains.

Confidence comes with experience no offence but you are younger than my youngest kid so ,,, you got plenty of time to grow that confidence lol enjoy learning who you are and growing into your self as a man.

An as far as them big booties ,, i been bagging the same one for over 30 years so you'll be ahead of me in no time young buck haahahah take your time and get as many as ya can.
Yeah I know I'm not an actual retard lol, I just think it most succinctly describes how I feel most of the time, especially in social situation such as today at the gym. I really do appreciate the words of encouragement though!

It's not a stutter. I don't even know how to describe it. The worst component is just a "s" lisp, but my L's and R's also sound kind of... well retarded lmao. When I'm calm and not anxious or winded I sound almost 100% normal, just with a bit of a lisp. But today in the gym, winded and anxious out the wazoo, I mean it when I say I sounded like I should have been with a chaperone lmao.

Thanks again for the kind words brother. I'm definitely very grateful for my genetics. I've already interacted with a few folks and so far I've like almost everyone I've encountered. Seems like a really good community here.
 

Thebiggestdumbass

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I’m here for this log bro, I use to have similar issues around large groups. Lifting weights and gaining confidence helped me.

You’ve got a decent physique right now, keep pushing hard and eating you’ll get to where you want to be in no time.
 
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Lol just realized I said "stats as of posting this video" lmao. I think it's too late for me to edit it. Whatever y'all know what I mean lmao.
 
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Well the diet is shit.
What is your exact training
Well the exact training will need to change now that I'm at this new gym. Today being my first day I was so anxious that I basically lost all focus on a specific routine. With access to far more machines and weights than before I was going to take tonight to calibrate and create a new routine. Of course I'm open to suggestions.
 

RiR0

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Well the exact training will need to change now that I'm at this new gym. Today being my first day I was so anxious that I basically lost all focus on a specific routine. With access to far more machines and weights than before I was going to take tonight to calibrate and create a new routine. Of course I'm open to suggestions.
Don’t go in without a plan.
How many days a week are you planning on lifting weights
 
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Don’t go in without a plan.
How many days a week are you planning on lifting weights
Minimum of 4. Am willing to do 7 days a week if it'd be beneficial. For the past 3 months I've been averaging 5-6.
 
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Also You don’t need a drug to increase your appetite you need to eat foods that digest better and faster
Appetite is really something I've struggled with for a while. I'm definitely open to hearing your diet suggestions, but I can't imagine being able to get the calories I need with my pre-MK appetite. Even supplementing with protein and meal shakes as I do now.
 

RiR0

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Appetite is really something I've struggled with for a while. I'm definitely open to hearing your diet suggestions, but I can't imagine being able to get the calories I need with my pre-MK appetite. Even supplementing with protein and meal shakes as I do now.
Because you’re not eating correctly.
You’re pretty clueless about diet.
What happens when you come off mk?
You haven’t learned how to eat more and you’ve probably become insulin resistant.
Maybe stop eating 5tbsp heaping of peanut butter.
Keep fats no higher than 30g a day.
Fats slow digestion.
What digests faster rice or rice cereal?
 

RiR0

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Also don’t try to just force calories in out of nowhere.
You wouldn’t just jump under a 400lb bench press without building up to it over time.
 
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Because you’re not eating correctly.
You’re pretty clueless about diet.
What happens when you come off mk?
You haven’t learned how to eat more and you’ve probably become insulin resistant.
Maybe stop eating 5tbsp heaping of peanut butter.
Keep fats no higher than 30g a day.
Fats slow digestion.
What digests faster rice or rice cereal?
I bought a blood glucose monitor and will be watching carefully. Most of what I've read says that the severity of the insulin resistance is overstated and so long as I avoid a lot of carbs, stay active, and keep a low BF% I should be fine.

I thought that the MK permitting me to eat bigger meals would stretch my stomach a bit and make it easier to do when I come off. I've also read fats were good for mass building and test production? I agree the 5tbsp of PB is a lot lol, that's not a usual for me. I imagine rice cereal but are they really comparable? I thought they were pretty different as far as nutrition is concerned.
 

TODAY

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Here's the thing, bud:


In a given room, it is extremely likely that you care far more about how you look and act than anybody else does. It's easy to feel that the people in a new environment are actively judging your every move, but that simply ain't the case. Sure, you'll run across one or two who actually are judging, but in my experience, those people are probably more miserable than you can even imagine and are therefore not worth impressing in the first place.

At the end of the day, the gym is a place filled with people who share a common goal and are all on a continuum of self-improvement. Many of them probably felt the same anxiety that you felt in the beginning.

Allowing self-consciousness to sabotage self-improvement is a tragedy and I can tell you from experience that it's a one-way ticket to regret, stagnation, and worse.
 

TODAY

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Now, let's get one thing out of the way:

You do not need to be on MK-677 right now.

What you need to do is learn the valuable skills of meal-prepping and eating to meet your goals.
 

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